Goodbye Lulay, My bestfriend.....

I found someone whom i considered best friend, in times of pain and loneliness she had been my constant company, she may have not feel the pain, but i know she truly understand it, and that's why i loved her so much, a friend, an older sister, and sometimes a mother .

Unfortunately the friendship is short lived, she left me again, and her loss left me more pain and despair.

I don't understand why she have to go, and i don't understand why so soon, have i done something wrong and God is punishing me? Am i too bad that people i love and care have to leave me?

With her assistance, care and love, i felt my heart wounds slowly healing and the pain slowly fading away.

But now with her loss i am again lost, feeling empty and even more forsaken.

She will be cremated tomorrow. I want to accept the fact that she is gone and we will never meet again in this life but my heart just don't want to accept it.

I want to dedicate this note to my best friend "Lulay". Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart and mind. I love you friend, and i miss you so much and i will always miss you.

Her death is too big for me to handle, she was the only friend i got, but this time i am stronger, i know that because that is what she always tells me and that's what she wants me to be. I don't know how to continue life without her guidance and love, but i will find a way, she had been my inspiration and even she left me, her star will always shine for me, FOREVER!

Goodbye and thank you friend, till we meet again...

Best friends...

A friend is someone who truly understands you and accepts you despite your shortcomings. Friendship is a rare and precious commodity that should be treasured and cherished.

"One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives."

"You can always tell a real friend: when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job."

"Chance makes our parents, but choice makes our friends."

"To find a friend one must close one eye -- to keep him, two."

flame in my heart!

For so long the flame in my heart is just a flicker, so small that it is just enough to warm my lonely heart and thats what it only do, warm it and nothing more.

I thought that would be alright, but then i just felt something is lacking, i tried to find it and the flame started to become steady, now it not only warms my heart but give light to it too.

Day after day the desire to find what i am looking is growing more and more intense and as i approach the end of my journey the flame in my heart started to rise!

Now , i think i finally found what i am looking for, I am now feeling peace in my heart and the flame that only good at warming is now a beam of warmth and light that not only guides me but allows me to see far beyond and makes me ready for the future!

I only hope i will be able to maintain the flame to guide and show me the way as i journey to LIFE!

GIFT!

Yesterday is a history, Tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift!

thats why it is called "PRESENT". How we accept the present that makes it good or bad!

Well i had my share of worrying too much of what happened, lingered too much of the past and nothing changed!

Accepting the present would lighten your burden and let history teach you, let the present guide you for the gift that tomorrow brings and enjoy the best of life as tomorrow unpack its mystery in your hands!

Am i making sense?

hahaha!

to the gym!

Wow! i gained weight! and i just notice it! I shifted all my attention to my broken heart and forgot everything else and now my abs turned to tabs hahaha!

I need exercise, i need to work out!

I need to go to the gym!

A better tomorrow!

for so long sleepless nights haunted me, memories of the past making me awake all night, thinking of everything yet staring to nothing!

Yeah i am getting nuts but then suddenly, sleep begin to caress me, making me sleep like a baby, worries started to leave me and with better sleep i am now getting a better view of the future, and i love it!

the future might not always turn to what we want it, but to have a better perception of it makes us more willing to wake up and embrace what tomorrow offer us!

shrugging off the memories of the past is not easy but chose a memory that would make you step further is wiser than choosing a memory that would make you fall and never want to stand, and make you a loser forever, its not easy but there are hundreds of ways if you really want it! I learned that the hard way, But i am happy about it and i hope the future offers more than what i expected!

I had my own bruises and cuts as i fought my war, I have not won it but i learned from it and it gave me strength and determination to live and go on living!

How i did it? I dont know, i just choose a better memory, the one that makes my heart yearn for the future and not embrace those painful memory that only cause me pain!

And i think that helped me! I hope that will help you too if your heart was once broken!

Blend in!

Theres a new world thats waiting for you!
thats all right you know what to do!


I just love this commercial, says a lot!
Aliens around us, how we blend?
thats for us to find out!

sweets for me!

i just had enough of bitter tasting desserts and shifted my attention to some sweets!





I just hope i will be accustomed to the sweet taste and forget the bitterness in my heart!

You! My Blog! My Therapy!

I am broken hearted I know that is a fact, but i am trying to forget, to heal it, and be free from the binds of loneliness!

Blogging helped me a lot, It became my therapy, It helped me face the reality that i am broken hearted and i have to accept it.

Blogging help me remember i am trying to heal myself and whenever i am confronted with the memories of the past i just face my computer and describe what i feel and share it to you!

I am not yet completely healed, I am still in the first phase of healing and i don't know if i will be able to heal myself, but what is important is i had the initiative to start and try to heal myself!

And I am happy that most of you say everything will pass and everything will be all right! I needed all the encouragement i need to go on and not abandon this fight.

You! My Blog! My Therapy!

Thank you!

A roller coaster ride

Sure it is fun to have a roller coaster ride, it give you the thrills and excitement, because you know the ride will soon stop and you will soon have your feet back on the solid ground, you have the choice to do it again or never to set foot in it ever!

But sure it is no fun at all if your life is a roller coaster ride, you don't know when will it stop and you have no choice but to ride it till it stops going around!

cruising!

I just enjoyed the cloud formation!

under construction!

Caution: My Heart under Renovation!






I hope the renovation would soon be over!

Just cruising!

I don't know what came to me, i just started driving along the south super highway and just took snapshots along the way!

Waste of time? not exactly! i just enjoyed the view from the window of my car!





Thank goodness! there was no traffic hehehe!

my heart for sale!

Who wants to buy my heart?!.
im having it 4 sale..
though its only 2nd hand,
still it functions well..
cause once i sold it whole
it was returned to me into pieces.



but now i had it all repaired
so now im back in my business.
who wants to buy my heart?
satisfaction guaranteed.
it has free service charge
and a lifetime warranty.
so if your asking 4 d price
well your in a bargain.





it only costs your
LOVE..

I gave my heart away!

This is me, definitely tore my chest open and offered my heart to the woman of my dreams.

Unfortunately she did not accepted my offering and now i could no longer put my heart back.

The wound is still fresh and my heart is still in my hands waiting for her to come back and caress it and to heal my wound!

I know her coming back is just a dream, for i know she had her own dream and she found it in the arms of another man. I know i have to accept my defeat but i just don't know how to start!

I had tried a hundred and one times to forget her, but i was just too stubborn to give up. I love her so much that i don't know how to forget her.

You might say , i am stupid for clinging on for so long.

You might despise me for committing the same mistake.

You might even hate me for being stubborn.

But what should i do?

It is easy to say forget her, but do you have a way how?

Do you have any potion that erases memories and pains?

Would it be right if i love someone else again though i know my heart is still chained to her?

Is it alright to offer my heart once more to someone?

Cheers!...

for the past weeks alcohol had been one of my constant companion!
Its easy to be with if you are broken hearted!

• it do not ask questions you dont want to answer!
• it numbs your heart and feel nothing!
• it makes you sleep soundly!
• it makes you forget!

There is only "ONE" thing i don't like about it!

• "HEADACHES" in the morning!
  

Now looking back "AGAIN". I know what i did was wrong! but the temptation that alcoholic drinks offer to people who wish to forget is too strong that a human body couldn't resist!

Alcohol make a person forget for a moment! the feeling of numbness is a sensation a man in pain need!

Alcohol becomes his anesthesia to feel numb, to feel no pain!

But just as local anesthesia does, it only holds the pain for a certain period of time!

And again! the pain just comes back!

too bad.....

back to reality....

but never back for good....

cars!

choices!

for the past few days i had been very busy feeding my broken heart with painful memories, and i know i cant live like that, i need to move on, i need to do something to forget!

I need to switch my attention, i need to make myself preoccupied and make my heart forget!


there are times i wanted to drown myself with wine, to make my heart immuned with pain, but that would only destroy me more, i need to do something productive.

something i would be proud of someday!


Sometimes, i want to drown myself with work, but the more i tire my mind with the things i do , the more my heart remember her!

She introduced me to accounting, she love numbers, i love literature.

and now i learned to love numbers, i learned she hated literature!

i have to get out! live like life is wonderful, I need to capture moments that make me smile, in that way i hope, someday somewhere i will find another love, another life!


i hope...

.....

the choice i made is right!

at last!

Memories

Time and I!

Tick! tock! Tick! tock!

time is running out!

tick! tock! tick! tock!

start living!

or be left out!

Tick! tock! Tick! tock!