Showing posts with label just for fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label just for fun. Show all posts

Thursday, September 25, 2008

How to hire people

Put about 100 bricks in no particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.

  • If they are counting the bricks ... Put them in the accounts department.
  • If they are recounting them. Put them in auditing.
  • If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in engineering.
  • If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in planning.
  • If they are throwing the bricks at each other. Put them in operations.
  • If they are sleeping. Put them in reception
  • If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in information technology.
  • If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources.
  • If they say they have tried different combination's, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in sales.
  • If they have already left for the day. Put them in marketing.
  • If they are staring out of the window. Put them on strategic planning. And then last but not least.
  • If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved. Congratulate them and put them in top management!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Pronouncing English...


Pronouncing English...


Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Caught Sleeping At Your Desk?

Just a few tips when you are caught sleeping in your desk...

Just say any of the following:

1. In Jesus name, Amen.


2. Dang! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.


3. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress.


4. I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.


5. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.


6. Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot.


7. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.

8. Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!

helpful? I hope ... hehehe

Monday, September 8, 2008

Tagalog Na Tunay

A young, good-looking representative from Laguna sponsored a bill recommending Filipino language be used in all levels of accounting firms and banking institutions. The Solon claimed it will provide a better understanding of the business transactions for those who are inexperienced and non-English speaking citizens.

The bill received unanimous approval from the House and was presented to the President for signature to become the law of the land. But in spite of the overwhelming pressure from the members of Congress, President Gloria Arroyo vetoed the bill.

Why?

She found out that when the English "business" words are translated in Tagalog, they sound very malicious and are "nakaka-hiya at nakaka-kilabot! "

Here are a few sample words - English to Tagalog

  • Asset - Ari
  • Fixed Asset - Nakatirik na ari
  • Liquid Asset - Basang ari
  • Solid Asset - Matigas na ari
  • Owned Asset - Sariling pag-aari
  • Other Asset - Ari ng iba
  • False Asset - Ari-ari-an
  • Miscellaneous Asset - Iba-ibang klaseng ari
  • Asset Write off - Pinutol na pagaari
  • Depreciation of Asset - Laspag na pag-aari
  • Fully Depreciated Asset - Laspag na laspag na pag-aari
  • Earning asset - Tumutubong pag-aari
  • Working Asset - Ganado pa ang ari
  • Non-earning Asset - Baldado na ang ari
  • Erroneous Entry - Mali ang pagkaka-pasok
  • Double Entry - Dalawang beses ipinasok
  • Multiple Entry - Labas pasok nang labas pasok
  • Correcting Entry - Itinama ang pagpasok
  • Reversing Entry - Baligtad ang pagkakapasok
  • Dead Asset - Patay na ang ARI
hahaha....

Sunday, September 7, 2008

A very early christmas post...

The celebration of Christmas in the Philippines officially begins on the 16th of December and ends on the first Sunday of January which is the Feast of the Epiphany (The Three Kings), but as early as September Christmas songs and carols could already be heard from different radio stations. It is quite different from the other countries of the world, it is the longest of the Philippine festivities stretching for over 3 weeks. This makes the Filipino Christmas celebration one of the longest Christmas season in the world. A rich tradition which dates back to the Spanish period.

Christmas or "Pasko" is the most awaited celebration and happiest event in the Philippines. This is also the time of the year when family get together, especially when family members from overseas come home with lots of "pasalubong" gifts. exchanging gifts and the family feast highligh the most loved celebration.

What makes the Filipino Christmas unique? Filipinos have a lot of Christmas tradition which makes us different from the other. Here are some of them:

more Filipino 101

1. arya [umarya]
- sugod,banat,salita magsalita,umiksena,tira,tara na
Example: 1. arya-up!{hurry up}

2. amps
- ito ay nagmula sa ekspresyon sa irc kapag sila ay nagagalit o natutuwa.

3. churvahan
- gawain na di maipaliwanag, di masabi o di maipangalan.
[any task, activity or action that is unexplained, undefined or unable to name at the moment]
Example: Bakit ka nakipag-churvahan sa kanya nang wala pa ako?

4. chapa
- cha.pa chah'-pah n
1: pawis na bumabakat sa damit sa may parte ng kilikili

5. gulf club
- kapatiran ng lasenggero [drinkers club, mula sa salitang [gulp!]o lagok o lunok. mga lagok ng lagok ng alak [gulp, gulp, gulp!]
Example: ikaw ! oo ikaw nga, member k b ng gulf club?

6. gulf course
- lugar ng inuman [drinking place]
Example: repapeps kitakits nlang tyo s gulf course!

7. haler
- [hello] na pina-oa, nakuha sa australian pronounciation ng [hello]
Example: haler?? ok k lang?

8.isprikitik
1 - libag na namumuo sa strap o bracelet ng relo.
Example: Ambaho ng isprikitik ng Tag Heuer mo!

9. jerflits
- [thief; to steal]
Example: Examples: (1)Mag-ingat ka sa taong yan. Jerflits yan. (Be careful of that person. he/she is a thief)
(2)Itago mo ang cellphone mo. Baka ma-jerflits yan. (Take care of your cellphone. It might get stolen)
Word origin: Formulated by some Information Technology students at UST during mid-2003.

10. jogols
- mas malala pa sa jologs
Example: Kim: Tingnan mo naman yang boyfriend ni K, ang jogols!!!

11. hamster
- hampaslupang monster, halimaw.
Example: ang cute2x ni ________ mukhang Hamster.

12. hatid sundot
- [picking up someone then have sex after] often used in reference to ones girlfriend
Example: hatid sundot si apple kay johnny



I wonder how these words evolve.... hahaha

New Filipino 101


These are the words that are so unique and loaded in meaning that they will never find a direct translation in the English language. Forget traditional dictionaries. Keep this.

1. *Achuchu* (A-chu-chu).
This refers to the pointless insincerities being said during long, involved conversations about nothing at all.

2. *Ano* (A-noh).
The all-around, all-purpose word for everything.

(1) Pronoun in interrogation: Ano? (What)
(2) Noun: Where is your ano? (Where is your father/mother/dead-uncle's-second-cousin)
(3) Verb: Anuhin this. (Paint/kill/maim/castrate this.)
(4) Adjective: This is so ano. (This is so pretty/big/astounding.)
(5) Interjection: Ano! (What the hell!)
(6) Substitute for genitalia : Did you ano your ano?

The use of ano is quite dangerous for the untrained ear, and must be put into the proper setting. "Honey, the ano is too long, we have to cut it," must be accompanied by the proper understanding of the context, as results may be critical to a couple's future.

3. *Booba* (boo-bah).
A female blessed with larger than usual mammary glands,which can be used as weapons of mass destruction.

4. *Checheboreche* (Che-che-boh-re-che)
Same as achuchu. It is interesting to ponder on the reason why there are so many words in the Filipino language t! hat beautifully describe meaningless chatter.

5. *Epal* (Eh-pal).
An individual who believes he is God.

6. *Gigil* (gee-gil).
An uncontrollable desire to bite something.

7. *Hipon* (Hee-pon).
Literally "shrimp," whose body is eaten while its head is thrown away, this refers to a female whose body is to die for and whose face looks like it belongs to the dead.

8. *Kikay* (kee-kay).
Refers to individuals who carry a brush, hand wash, moisturizer, lip-gloss and various other facial enhancements in a case (aptly called a kikay kit) inside her bag. Recent inspections of various backpacks have led to the conclusion it is not a purely female trait. This breed cannot resist checking themselves out on mirrors, glass win! dows, bread knives, sidewalk puddles and plastic-covered notebooks.

9. *Kaekekan* (Ka-ek-e-kahn).
Same as achuchu and chechebureche.

10. *Kilig* (keel-leg).
A rush of excitement due to the actions, presence or even mention of he whom you see as the future father of your children.

11. *Laglag-brip* (lag-lag-brip).
The female counterpart of laglag-panti.

12. *Laglag-panti* (lag-lag-pan-tee).
A man so incredibly hot, so heart-stoppingly gorgeous and oozing with masculinity that female underwear (whether worn by males or females) falls to the ground without effort whatsoever.

13. *Indyanero* (In-jan-neh-ro).
An individual who fails to appear at an appointment without prior warning. Not to be confused with individuals who appear according to Filipino time (approximately 10 minutes before the meeting is to end).

14. *Japorms* (Jah-porms).
Describes an individual dressed differently from the usual (typically involves clothes that have been laundered and pant legs of roughly the same length).

15. *Lagot* (Lah-got).
A prophesy of evil things to come.

16. *Para* (Pah-rah)
A term that informs the driver of a jeep to stop and pause (usually in the middle of the road) as the individual speaking intends to leave the vehicle. Dangerous for individuals as drivers seem to believe having one foot in the air is all that is necessary for descent.

17. *Takusa* (Ta-kuh-sa).
Derived from takot sa asawa (afraid of wife), this is a term used to de! scribe the silent (very silent) minority of males married to feminine reincarnations of Hitler.

18. *Torpe* (tore-peh).
A gentleman who is desperately attracted to a female yet by some strange compulsion is reduced to a frozen mound of stuttering male whenever that female is near.


Armed with this list and a smile, you will be sure to make the proper impression not just on your new relations, but on your loved one as well.


Now let's practice:

"Honey, when I first saw you, I made laglag brip, and was almost torpe. When I finally got the nerve to date you, I almost became indyanero, because I didn't think I had the right japorms. When you're around, I'm kilig, when you're not, I get gigil. You may think all this is achuchu, kaekekan, just checheboreche, but in truth, my love, I'm so ano with you."


what do you think? haha

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Sexuality...

Sexuality basically means where your sexual attractions lie. Who and what you are attracted to. It also defines what turns you off sexually. It is usually something that you do not choose, however you can definitely experiment with things along the way to test what you like and what you do not. You never know until you go.

Gender: all the ways people are (how they talk, speak, act, dress, behave, style themselves, etc.) that we relate to men, women, femininity, or masculinity; people can identify as male, female, neither gender, both gender, trans gender, etc., etc.- it's how they feel inside.

Sex: one's biological and physiological sex, as determined by their chromosomes, hormones, genitals, secondary sex characteristics like body hair, voice, fat distribution, etc..

Sexual orientation: the cumulative object(s) of one's sexual attractions.

Sexual behavior: all the sexual things one does; does NOT have to be in sync or in line with sexual orientation.

Kinsey Scale: scale that measures human sexual orientation from 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual) with gradations in between, based on one's sexual behavior and fantasies, up to that time.

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid: scale that measures human sexual orientation like the Kinsey Scale, but takes into account the past, present, ideal (future), sexual attraction, behavior, sexual fantasies, emotional preference, social preference, and the idea that people's sexuality can change.

Polyamory: the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

Monogamy: custom or condition of having only one mate.

Heterosexual: sexually attracted to the opposite sex.

Homosexual: sexually attracted to the same sex.

Bisexual: sexually attracted to both men and women.

Pansexual: sexually attracted to men, women, and transgender and transsexual people.

Omnisexual: often used interchangeably with 'pansexual'; potential sexual attraction to any and all things, sexuality that responds to ideas, concepts, objects, etc., etc..

Pomosexual: the "erotic reality beyond the boundaries of gender, separatism, and essentialist notions of sexual orientation." (pomosexuals do not identify with any essentially-defined sexual label, and it is used in reference to oneself as a protest against such labels.)

Asexual: no sexual attraction to anything (romantic attraction is possible, and though it often isn't, sexual desire may be present, but is directed at nothing; only tactile stimulation results in arousal, nothing mental).

Auto sexual: sexual attraction to oneself, one's own body.

Transsexual: dis concordant gender identity; feeling that one was born in the wrong body. May or may not be rectified with hormones and surgery.

Transgender(ed): having a non-binary gender identity; feeling not like a man or a woman in the way they are typically defined in our society; considering oneself neither genders, both, or a "third gender". They do not change their bodies with hormones or surgery.

Cisgender(ed): a non-trans individual; men who were physiologically male at birth, raised as boys, and who identify as men, and women who were physiologically female at birth, raised as girls, and who identify as women.

Transvestite: dresses in the clothing typically belonging to the opposite sex; may do so in private or public, for sexual arousal or not, from only certain articles of clothing, to full presentation of the opposite sex; they don't want to be the opposite sex full-time, however.

Cross-dresser: another term for 'transvestite', more commonly used and more recent and less medical.

Drag Queen/King: performers who act out exaggerations of gender stereotypes to the opposite sex; drag kings are women who perform exaggerated male characters; drag queens are men who do exaggerated female characters.

Bio Queen/King: performers who act out exaggerations of gender stereotypes to their own sex: bio kings are men who perform exaggerated male characters; bio queens are women do exaggerated female characters.

Hermaphrodite: antiquated term for those born with both sets of genitals or an ambiguous biological sex (obsolete, not used anymore).

Inter sex(ed): correct, modern term for those born with an inter sex condition (there are many possibilities: non-standard chromosomal compositions like XXXY, hormone deficiencies/intolerances, ambiguous genitals, etc., etc..).

Now where do you belong?

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Metrosexual!

In the past the male role was to be a scruffy, hairy, and sweaty; the kind of grease monkey that really was found to be quite attractive by the gals in the 1950s.

However the days of being able to go without shaving for a week are history. These days society demands that we always look fashionable and our best. The term metrosexual was really coined by reality TV shows featuring gay actors who gave a make over and image transformation to straight males.

To be metrosexual does not mean you are homosexual. It simply means you are a well groomed, image conscious straight male, who fancies designer clothing and a day trip to the spa to get a manicure.

learn how to know if you are a metrosexual.

Things You’ll Need:

  • A mirror
  • Personal time
  • Female opinion
  • Gay opinion



Step1

Look at your wardrobe. A classic sign of being a metrosexual is to be label fanatic. Take a gander at your wardrobe. Are all of your clothes name brand? Do you have lots of hot and new fashions that cost a pretty penny? Are there days that go by where you change several times because you think you don’t look right?

Step2

Take a gander in the mirror. Is your hair flat ironed and well kept? Have you recently shaved and look well groomed overall?

Step3

Check underneath your fingernails. Are your nails fine and manicured? Do you frequently visit a day spa for a facial or body treatment?

Step4

Ask a female for their opinion. Girls have great instinct and can usually spot a metrosexual right away. Your best bet is to get an opinion from a female that you trust.

Step5

Ask any gay friends. Gay men have a total knack for spotting metrosexual males, as they were ones who coined the term in the first place. The best way to find out if you are is to ask any gay friends that you may know.

Step6

Get over it. Being metrosexual is not a bad thing. It means you are well said, well groomed, and well spoken. It means that you are image conscious and fashionably aware. It means that you have a sharp appearance and a lot to offer single women.


Remember metrosexual does not mean gay, they are just men who look good and want to look good, they are just guys who love being clean and well groomed where ever they go.

Monday, August 25, 2008

WARNING: New Virus....

this is to warn you about the new virus circulating the net, it is very deadly and computer experts have not found any cure or ways to contain it.

My computer had been infected and to my grief and horror.

My mouse was reduced to this....

.....OH MY GOD!!!!


extraordinary watch dogs



A girl was visiting her blond friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

The blond responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs!'

"I like the way you are thinking!!!"


Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"
"None.",replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."


Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."

Saturday, August 23, 2008

whats the differences?

Very funny how we see things differently...


This is how you see your house....



This is how your appraiser see your house...




This is how your buyer see your house...




This is how your lender see your house...





This is how your tax assessor see your house.....


Hehehehehehe

Thursday, July 3, 2008

just a QUESTION!


I think i finally found and healed my broken heart! My heart is peace and my mind is no more troubled.


The only question is when will the water be once again distured?


And now that i think i finally found Peace and Healed my broken heart what will become of my blog?


I created it to help me find and heal my Broken Heart and now that i did all of those what should be the purpose of this blog now?


I dont want to loose it just like that, and abandon it because it already served its purpose, but what should i do?


That is one hell of a question i am comfronted with!


Any help? a suggestion maybe? I need Help again!


Saturday, June 28, 2008

the drinks of your life!

grabbed from

MENstream
click here to visit the site



i think i'm in between the second and the fourth drink, i dont know about you, but i absolutely hope not to have the fourth one!




Friday, June 27, 2008

GIFT!

Yesterday is a history, Tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift!


thats why it is called "PRESENT". How we accept the present that makes it good or bad!

Well i had my share of worrying too much of what happened, lingered too much of the past and nothing changed!

Accepting the present would lighten your burden and let history teach you, let the present guide you for the gift that tomorrow brings and enjoy the best of life as tomorrow unpack its mystery in your hands!

Am i making sense?

hahaha!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

A roller coaster ride




Sure it is fun to have a roller coaster ride, it give you the thrills and excitement, because you know the ride will soon stop and you will soon have your feet back on the solid ground, you have the choice to do it again or never to set foot in it ever!

But sure it is no fun at all if your life is a roller coaster ride, you don't know when will it stop and you have no choice but to ride it till it stops going around!

Friday, June 13, 2008

On my own

I just love this song!





I'm wiser now
I'm not the foolish boy you used to know
So long ago
I'm stronger now
I've learned from my mistakes which way to go
And I should know
I put myself aside to do it your way
But now I need to do it all alone

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'll keep it real you know
Time for me to do it on my own
Yeah yeah, mmm, yeah yeah

It's over now
I can't go back to living through your eyes
Too many lines
And if you don't know by now
I can't go back to being someone else
Not anymore
I never had a chance to do things my way
So now it's time for me to take control

And I am not afraid to try it on my own
I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
Time for me to do it

Oh I start again go back to one
I'm running things my way
Can't stop me now, I've just begun
Don't even think about it
There ain't no way about it
I'm taking names, the ones of mine
Yes I'm gonna take my turn
It's time for me to finally stand alone, stand alone

I am not afraid to try it on my own
And I don't care if I'm right or wrong
I'll live my life the way I feel
No matter what I'm gonna keep it real you know
It's time for me to do it
See I'm not afraid

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

cruising!

I just enjoyed the cloud formation!





under construction!

Caution: My Heart under Renovation!






I hope the renovation would soon be over!