Thursday, November 13, 2008

my cautious heart...

The emptiness in my heart is growing faster and heavier. I don't know how to stop it and i don't know if it will end.

I think i tried all things to make it stop and live again, unfortunately the emptiness is slowly drowning me.

The past few months was great. I learned to go out and had some party. I even smiled and laughed my heart out, but then it stopped living again.

I remember my heart beating fast for the first time in so many years. The excitement and thrill was tremendous that i thought it will stay that way, but then here i am alone and feeling miserable again.

I am feeling lost and empty. I feel as if there's no more hope...

For the past weeks i tried partying again, but the music, the wine and the company do not offer the same excitement, as if the glaze of the melted sugar coating the party was lost and the sugar itself lost its sweet taste.

I tried doing my favorite past time, driving along the country road, but the sight that amazes me no longer make me sigh with relief and fill me with compassion.

As though i just got tired of everything and the climb to the summit is no longer rewarding.

As if my heart is saying "I've seen that!", "I'm tired and I'm bored"...

As if the question "What now?" is hanging in the air around me....

I think i need help...

Friday, November 7, 2008


I thought i had my heart fixed! I thought everything is healed, but why cant i feel my heart beat again?

I had been hurt and lived through it for a very long time, and i thought i am ready to live and love again, but i don't know whats wrong or whats not right. Have i lived alone for so long that my heart was accustomed to being alone?

How many nights i wished i had someone in my arms to hold, to care and to love, but it seems my heart is no longer capable of loving.

I looked and take a second look on everyone but they just don't make a spark that could ignite the fire in my heart.

Am i just rushing things or is this my punishment in imprisoning my heart in long lost love?

I am again in the verge of collapsing, of being lost and in despair...

I thought i had all planed and i know where i am going but then i don't know....

I smiled and laughed and i thought my heart smiled and laughed with me...

I am not getting any younger but i don't want to fail in love again...

Is my heart just cautious?

or my heart is dead?


I hope someone will come soon and save it...

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Guy Rules....

1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
b) After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
c) When your date is using her teeth

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes

7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.)

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10 You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

12. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.

14. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

15. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

16. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

17. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
d) Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?

18. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

19. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone, hang up if necessary.

20. When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.