beginning...

Life had been very cruel to me, I had been battered with lots of emotional ups and down for as long as i remember. I thought it came to end when i finally met Lulay, unfortunately she was gone.

And here I am, alone, deserted, and feeling neglected again.

I thought i was about to write happy moments to share with you, I thought my blog will be filled with entries full of hope and happiness, but then i spoke to soon, and here i am writing another stuff from my broken heart.

I cannot refrain from crying, my heart just can no longer contain the hurt and loneliness, I just want to cry my heart out, the loss, the pain, and the feeling of loneliness just keep pulling me down to the abyss of darkness, and i am left with this broken dreams, and another broken heart.

Have i been so bad that i am being punished and all those that i love just cannot be with me?

Why have you left me Lulay? why did god take you away from me? He knew i need you, He knew you make me whole again, but why does he keep on punishing me? Have i done great evil that i deserve this?

I wanted to hate GOD, for being so selfish. For taking away everything that i love, but who am i to do that? I am just one of his creation. They say GOD love all that he created but am I an exemption?

OH GOD! Please help me, give me strength to face all the trials you brought upon me. Guide me and please do not release my hand from your grasp, i need you to help me as i journey in this troubled path.

I feel i had been battered to much, i cant take it anymore.

HELP ME, SAVE ME, GUIDE ME, that i will be able to reach another day with the promise of a good sunrise.

...

Why do heart's always remember and forgot to forget?

I was wondering why my heart seem to remember everything? Even the smallest and simplest detail of a certain event is so vivid that everything looks and feel like it just happened yesterday.

Looks like my heart was never taught how to forget and was only taught to remember.

My Angel..

I just lost an Angel. I want to talk to her and ask why she has to leave, but i don't know how, I have so many questions but i know all these will remain unanswered.






I just hope she is happy wherever she may be... I hope she is waiting for me, ...

I just lost an angel but i know that same angel is watching over me...

Defeated?..

I know life is a gift from a supreme being. We are here for a reason and a purpose that we need to find and understand.

We are soldiers sent on a mission but the mission is highly classified. Communication is unclear for only through prayers that we send back to him our reports and improvements. You may sometimes doubt if your reports are heard and lose trust, but responses to your reports are send back to you but only the heart and soul could feel and understand.

But what will you do if the only thing that receives back the responses of your report is broken?

When during the war your heart was broken, you may be able to fix it and put the pieces together but it could no longer function very well.

That's why we have our soul. To accompany the heart and serves as a battery pack.

And that's what I a trying to do...

Though its not easy and still unclear how, but I am beginning to figure it out.

I hope somehow, my heart would soon recharge and make me feel that long lost rhythm of life..

Thank you to all those that helped me stand when my heart could no longer accept the blows of a human emotions...

LIFE...

A very early christmas post...

The celebration of Christmas in the Philippines officially begins on the 16th of December and ends on the first Sunday of January which is the Feast of the Epiphany (The Three Kings), but as early as September Christmas songs and carols could already be heard from different radio stations. It is quite different from the other countries of the world, it is the longest of the Philippine festivities stretching for over 3 weeks. This makes the Filipino Christmas celebration one of the longest Christmas season in the world. A rich tradition which dates back to the Spanish period.

Christmas or "Pasko" is the most awaited celebration and happiest event in the Philippines. This is also the time of the year when family get together, especially when family members from overseas come home with lots of "pasalubong" gifts. exchanging gifts and the family feast highligh the most loved celebration.

What makes the Filipino Christmas unique? Filipinos have a lot of Christmas tradition which makes us different from the other. Here are some of them:

• Parol - Filipino Christmas Lantern
  As early as November, Filipinos houses offices, schools, shoppingmalls and even streets are adorned with these star-shaped multicolored lanterns.

• Filipino Christmas Tradition - Simbang Gabi
  "Simbang Gabi" a Filipino Christmas tradition, it is is a series of nine (9) dawn masses, the mass starts as early as 4:00 a.m. It begins on December 16 and ends on the midnight of the 24th of December.

• Christmas Caroling in the Philippines
  Once the "Simbang Gabi" starts, children like to form groups and enjoy hopping from one house to another every night singing Jingle Bells, Silent Night and traditional Filipino Christmas songs.

• Monito Monita - Exchange Gifts
  Christmas is the season of gift giving. In keeping with the tradition of giving, Filipinos have their own version of exchanging gifts or Kris Kringle, it is called Monito - Monita

Christmas Tree

Christmas is not complete without Christmas tree. Since pine trees grows only in a few places in the Philippines, not everybody can afford to have a fresh Christmas tree. Filipinos have created unique and original Christmas tree using different kinds oflocal materials, from recycled materials to a more exqusite form of art.

Giant, well lighted and decorated trees are a sight to behold in the city street, malls, parks and office building facades. Some big companies put their Christmas display with a different theme every year, and become a very popular attraction during the Christmas season.

Just like anywhere in the world Christmas tree is not complete without the gifts beneath and around the tree with eager children waiting for their gifts to be open on Christmas morning.

Noche Buena

In the Philippines the much-anticipated Noche Buena - a traditional Christmas Eve feast is eaten after the midnight mass, usually Filipinos attend the Midnight Mass and then return home for a family feast called Noche Nuena,

Some family who don't go to church for some reasons,dine together around 12 midnight on traditional Noche Buena fare, but this varies from family to family.

Noche Buena is a very special occasion for Filipinos, they used their best china and silver ware and cooked their best recipe. Food that are usually serve depends on the specialty of the family but there is always something special serve. The most popular are morcon, embutido, relyenong bangus, lumpia, pansit, and for those who can afford the "Lechon ( roasted pig)

There is always ham on the table but usually not eaten right away, it waits until morning when sliced and fried for breakfast accompanied with Pan de Americano ( also known as sliced bread).

Suman sa ibos or sumang Pasko ( glutinous rice wrapped in banana leaves or coconut leaves ) served with Halayang Ube and leche flan (egg custard) are the most popular desert.

Noche Buena is a statement of the Filipino Family close ties, It is not only about food, it is a family tradition.

Christmas Day

Christmas Day in The Philippines is primarily a family affair. For those who were not able to attend the Midnight mass, there are masses celebrated during the day and usually in the late afternoon.

Most families with young children usually attend this mass. Children wear their new clothes and shoes to go to mass and after the mass, they visit members of the extended family, notably the elders in order to pay their respect.

This custom has been an age-old tradition in the Philippines called "Pagmamano" this is done by touching one's forehead to the elder's hand saying "Mano Po". The elder then blesses the person who paid respect. "Aguinaldo" can be in the form of a gift or money given after the Pagmamano, most usually to younger children.

Christmas Lunch is is usually a reunion of family members. Well-to-do families tend to prepare grand and glorious feasts Some families choose to cook simple meals, nevertheless still special. Christmas day is a day for children to visit their uncles, aunts, godmothers and godfathers. Usually children are presented with a gift, candy, money or toys. Kids love to count their Aguinaldos as they go to their Christmas round.

In every home that you visit, you will always be offered food to eat because every family have made something especially for this day.

Christmas Eve gathering provides an opportunity for a reunion of immediate and distant family members and good time for a drink of Filipinos' most loved "San Miguel" beer with friends and family.

At the end of the day, Filipino Christmas is about family closeness and everyone wishes good cheer and glad tidings.

• New Year celebration in the Philippines
  New Year's eve celebration in the Philippines is quite different compared to other countries. Filipinos literally start the year with a bang.

Feast of the Three Kings

Christmas officially ends on the Feast of the Three Kings (Tatlong Hari in Tagalog), also known as the Feast of the Epiphany. The Feast of the Three Kings was traditionally commemorated on Jan. 6 but is now celebrated on the first Sunday after the New Year.

Some children leave their shoes out, so that the Three Kings would leave behind gifts like candy or money inside.

After the Feast of the Three Kings that is when all the Christmas decorations are removed.

friend!

today i lost a friend...

nakaw lang po!

ito e ninakaw ko sa blog ni Rhodey sa coffee break... hahaha ewan ko ba kung saan ny nakuha eto, e ang cute! ninakaw ko nalang hahaha

o di ba cute nya? gusto mo ring nakawin? paalam ka muna hahahaha

flame in my heart!

For so long the flame in my heart is just a flicker, so small that it is just enough to warm my lonely heart and thats what it only do, warm it and nothing more.

I thought that would be alright, but then i just felt something is lacking, i tried to find it and the flame started to become steady, now it not only warms my heart but give light to it too.

Day after day the desire to find what i am looking is growing more and more intense and as i approach the end of my journey the flame in my heart started to rise!

Now , i think i finally found what i am looking for, I am now feeling peace in my heart and the flame that only good at warming is now a beam of warmth and light that not only guides me but allows me to see far beyond and makes me ready for the future!

I only hope i will be able to maintain the flame to guide and show me the way as i journey to LIFE!

Just another song!

its the lover not the love who broke your heart!

Do not blame love, just you making wrong choice in loving! Accept you made a mistake and go on living!

I know its hard i had been there, but there are thousand and one ways to heal a broken heart, just don't be stupid in doing the same mistakes!

GIFT!

Yesterday is a history, Tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift!

thats why it is called "PRESENT". How we accept the present that makes it good or bad!

Well i had my share of worrying too much of what happened, lingered too much of the past and nothing changed!

Accepting the present would lighten your burden and let history teach you, let the present guide you for the gift that tomorrow brings and enjoy the best of life as tomorrow unpack its mystery in your hands!

Am i making sense?

hahaha!

A better tomorrow!

for so long sleepless nights haunted me, memories of the past making me awake all night, thinking of everything yet staring to nothing!

Yeah i am getting nuts but then suddenly, sleep begin to caress me, making me sleep like a baby, worries started to leave me and with better sleep i am now getting a better view of the future, and i love it!

the future might not always turn to what we want it, but to have a better perception of it makes us more willing to wake up and embrace what tomorrow offer us!

shrugging off the memories of the past is not easy but chose a memory that would make you step further is wiser than choosing a memory that would make you fall and never want to stand, and make you a loser forever, its not easy but there are hundreds of ways if you really want it! I learned that the hard way, But i am happy about it and i hope the future offers more than what i expected!

I had my own bruises and cuts as i fought my war, I have not won it but i learned from it and it gave me strength and determination to live and go on living!

How i did it? I dont know, i just choose a better memory, the one that makes my heart yearn for the future and not embrace those painful memory that only cause me pain!

And i think that helped me! I hope that will help you too if your heart was once broken!

Unexpected stop: angel sleeping!

how i wish i would be able to sleep like this baby, peacefully and with a smile!

For so long sleeping is always a problem to me, the long night is always filled with nightmare, with thoughts and memories painful and joyful alike always make me awake all night!

I want to move on, I want my heart to forget, but every time i close my eyes the memories just keep pouring in and i am left sleepless and hurt again!

I don't know why i am so sentimental and i don't know why i am still clinging to the past, I know it had been so long, I need to step forward but i am just so stupid that i cant lift my foot to take that one step forward!

I want to focus my attention to the future but i just don't know how to envision it.

I want to open my heart for another love, but i just don't know how to free it first from the bind of the past!

Saying the words to forget is easy but doing it is so hard, but then i am happy that at least i am trying to forget and no longer linger to the memories of the past!

I hope i just need more time to forget! as most of you tell time heals, and i look forward when that time comes when i am free and ready to fall in love again!