Tuesday, May 27, 2008


for the past few days i had been very busy feeding my broken heart with painful memories, and i know i cant live like that, i need to move on, i need to do something to forget!

I need to switch my attention, i need to make myself preoccupied and make my heart forget!

there are times i wanted to drown myself with wine, to make my heart immuned with pain, but that would only destroy me more, i need to do something productive.

something i would be proud of someday!

Sometimes, i want to drown myself with work, but the more i tire my mind with the things i do , the more my heart remember her!

She introduced me to accounting, she love numbers, i love literature.

and now i learned to love numbers, i learned she hated literature!

i have to get out! live like life is wonderful, I need to capture moments that make me smile, in that way i hope, someday somewhere i will find another love, another life!

i hope...


the choice i made is right!

at last!


Sunday, May 25, 2008

Time and I!

Tick! tock! Tick! tock!

time is running out!

tick! tock! tick! tock!

start living!

or be left out!

Tick! tock! Tick! tock!

Thursday, May 22, 2008


Wednesday, May 21, 2008

How long is Forever?

five years! five long years and still the pain was as unbearable as it was first inflicted in my heart
five years ago!

I tried all the things i should and must do in order to forget and ignore the pain! But the pain just don't go away! and its making me crazy!

They say the mind was placed higher than the heart in order to rule over it! but why does my heart rule over my mind?

My mind says forget her! and live your life but why can't i go on? I am going in circles, I thought i had forgotten her, I thought i started living but then, I was wrong, I do still love her, I still treasure her in my heart!

I want to forget, but my heart says only her name! I want to live but i cant live with out her!
I don't know what to do!

Five long years! but still my stupid heart longs for her, calls her name and simply don't want to forget!

I can't do anything but shed tears as i let my heart go on to its stupidity! I cry and thats what i always do!

When will i win over this battle? Will i wait for another lifetime? I know is no longer normal! I know i have to live, I know i have to move on! But how?....

Is forever a very long wait?


I need to know! I need to understand!


But how?

Monday, May 19, 2008

is there a reasons to smile?

Some say laughter is the best medicine, a therapy that simply cure a broken heart! but then on second thought how would you be able to laugh or to smile if you are broken hearted?

How could you smile if your in pain? How can laughter lift up your spirit and set your soul soaring up into the heavens if drops of blood rush out of your heart in its every move?

I dont know how could a smile or laughter would help someone in deep pain, how this simple movement of face muscles relieve the pain from the heart.

Do we consider smile a therapy for a broken heart because when we smile the world smile with us? but when we cry, we cry alone?

Is smile or laughter just another fake medicine for broken hearts?

I am lost! enlighten me! help me find a real medicine for my broken heart!

We can fix broken hearts!

For too long i hid my broken heart!
Afraid that others might not understand my flight,
I hide everyday through my mask
and succeeded in fooling them that i am alright!

Day in and out i took my chance!
thought that everything will turn out right!
Unfortunately the wound never stopped bleeding!
and my body started falling!

I never understood the reason why!
I kept my broken heart out of sight!
Because i am a man I have to fight!
Be like a knight, that shows no fright!

But when i am alone the pain seeps in!
and the gallant knight nowhere to be seen!
Only a child in tears and pain!
In search for a cure, for a heartache's pain!

I searched all places for clues and reasons!
but found nothing just disappointment and pain!
I searched for help and there it was!
The cure i was searching was hidden in my own heart!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Nature trip!

A friend invited me for a nature trip in Quezon province and because i have no idea of the place i agreed to his idea. I badly needed a change of scenery and i thought this is my chance.

I am not a very good photographer, I just would like to share some.

A cotton tree proudly show off what he got!

the luxury of living with wheels hahaha

beetle nut ready for harvesting!

the country side and its magnificence!

passed this hut! just got seconds to click the shutter and very glad of the outcome!

A closer look!

The change of scenery was good and it sure gave me a beautiful memory.

Friday, May 9, 2008

My Mask!

I had been wearing different kind of mask for the a long time! Mask that simply cover and disguise the true me, and the mask i choose to use today is "MY SMILE".

I don't really have any idea why there is a need for me to use one, only a strong feeling urges me to use it for cover and for disguise .

I don't know why i am wearing it, and i don't have an idea when will i stop using it, is it because i want to deceive them? or i just want to deceive myself?

Everyday as i go to work, as i pass by people who know, love and hate me sometimes, i carefully choose a mask that would fit me, a mask that would hide the true feelings, and emotions i have within, and i always go out triumphantly deceiving them, but i never succeeded deceiving myself!

I don't know how i do it but every time an occasion calls for it, my mind is always ready to provide a good mask that fits and me help me blend in.

I don't know my real purpose in using my mask, but the need to use it always come in unexpected.

I want to stop using it and throw out my mask for good, but how? I don't have an idea!

How about you, are you also using your mask?

What are your reasons, are they clear?

Help me! Help yourself! Is there really a need for a mask?

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Just another day at work!

Paper works and other documents had been constantly pilling up in my table for the past week. and the result? cluttered and unorganized work station, this seems to be the view in my office since last week, papers, receipts, memo, and other documents for review and checking seems to be pouring in and i cant catch up!

The only resort? work twelve hours a day, and bring work in my apartment for the week end!

Working late and bringing work home is not funny, especially if you want to live a normal life, but then you have to work to live, life in the city is not that cheap, you have to pay bills, and sometimes there are needs and wants that always finds its way to you.

Well i am not complaining, I love my Job and plan to stick with it for long time. The work you do even tough give you the sense of who you are and definitely define you as an individual.

And i am not planning to have a cluttered and unorganized table for a long time, few more days and i know i will be back on track and this clutter will soon be a pile of organized thoughts and a neat pile of job well done.