life is full of happiness, you don't have to look far and wide, you just have to open your eyes so you may see..
laugh out loud, have party all night, be happy, but is the happiness reaching your heart? or it just simply pass and never touches it?
happiness is not just laughing, partying with girls and having lots of sex but with pleasures of the heart and by the hearts pleasures in order to feel true happiness.
am i making sense?
well, no more drinking over the top. Footiam said, "Hey, what happen last night seems like fun. If only you don't have too much vodka and know what happened!"
And well, yeah i guess that makes sense...
but i am still clouded with guilt and shame, i am not that kind of guy and i think changing ones view on some things is not easy as it seems.
but i am getting ready to make one more try, and hope i wouldn't be too scared to make a move..
today is Monday and i still have five more days to think it over, hope i wouldn't change my mind.
I plan to go out on Saturday night and stay as late as possible....
whew... this is new and i say a bit harder than i thought.
wish me luck..... i need it!
Another week gone and wasted, and another one about to start, but i am still having a hard time coping up with the headache i had from too much drinking vodka last night.
I usually don't have any hangover after drinking but i remember i had different mix of alcohol last night and that should have cause my head to ache.
But that's alright, i had been asleep all day, but the problem is will i be able to sleep tonight..
I am planning to go out again latter tonight but i really don't have any idea where to go..
I think i need to go somewhere else, A place to think and re asses my life.....
Again...
Life had been very cruel to me, I had been battered with lots of emotional ups and down for as long as i remember. I thought it came to end when i finally met Lulay, unfortunately she was gone.
And here I am, alone, deserted, and feeling neglected again.
I thought i was about to write happy moments to share with you, I thought my blog will be filled with entries full of hope and happiness, but then i spoke to soon, and here i am writing another stuff from my broken heart.
I cannot refrain from crying, my heart just can no longer contain the hurt and loneliness, I just want to cry my heart out, the loss, the pain, and the feeling of loneliness just keep pulling me down to the abyss of darkness, and i am left with this broken dreams, and another broken heart.
Have i been so bad that i am being punished and all those that i love just cannot be with me?
Why have you left me Lulay? why did god take you away from me? He knew i need you, He knew you make me whole again, but why does he keep on punishing me? Have i done great evil that i deserve this?
I wanted to hate GOD, for being so selfish. For taking away everything that i love, but who am i to do that? I am just one of his creation. They say GOD love all that he created but am I an exemption?
OH GOD! Please help me, give me strength to face all the trials you brought upon me. Guide me and please do not release my hand from your grasp, i need you to help me as i journey in this troubled path.
I feel i had been battered to much, i cant take it anymore.
HELP ME, SAVE ME, GUIDE ME, that i will be able to reach another day with the promise of a good sunrise.
2008 is now just a memory, weather it be good or bad everything is now just a parcel of our life, a part that completes the cycle of good and bad and a memory that will last forever.
Every year we are given a blank paper, and as the year progresses we write our life through our experiences in it, some will be written in pure black ink and will be remembered forever and others will be forgotten and will just be a blotch of ink in our paper.
2008 is one of the best year in my life. Though occasional thunderstorm came i remained rooted and now that the year has ended, to reminisce and enjoy the lessons we learned is the best way to remember and thank the year that has been.
I was once an ordinary boy who live in the memories of the past. Who think that these memories will always make me happy, but then i realized i was living in the past for too long, and these memories do more damage then help me. The time has come for me to stand and continue my journey and leave the past behind.
The confrontation of the past and the present is still a big battle for me, there are still times when i open my eyes in the middle of the night and wonder where i am.
I know i am still trapped in the middle of a crossroad one leading to the past and the other to the present. I know i have to make a step and decide, but then the big realization to make a step is already a big step for me, and i thank 2008 has finally come to tell me "Hey, you better start another journey or your journey ends here".
To "relive" the memory of the past is not an option but to make another memory that would finally fill in the gap made by lingering and living too long with these memories.
2009 is here to stay, and i hope as i am handed another leaf of paper to write another parcel of my life, i hope the journey will be something i will cherish and remember forever not because i have a "broken heart" but because my heart finally starts to live again.
A journey to remember that would give me inspiration to strive harder and believe that love will find a way to heal a heart broken to pieces.
I think this one is written for me....
ice cream, alcohol, meaningless hookups: the go-to antidotes for a bad breakup are often about distraction rather than relief. What's more, they tend to injure more than assuage, as if the breakup itself didn't cause enough pain.
10 healthy ways to deal with getting dumped that don't include booze, food or flings:
1. Buy the Dumped! Fun and Games Activity Book, which offers such whimsical games as “I Cried to Smell Few (I Tried to Tell You).” Help broken-hearted “Sam” decipher what his friends have been telling him about his now ex-girlfriend in lines such as “Why stink clue fan screw fetter.” Translation: “I think you can do better.”
2. Surround yourself with happy people. Recent research from Harvard and the University of California, San Diego shows happiness is “infectious,” so take up with a group of friends or organization that you know is high on life.
3. Log on to justbeendumped.wordpress.com and submit your breakup e-mails or IM conversations. The names are changed, so it's an anonymous way to have complete strangers tell you what a jerk he was. Your friends need a break anyway.
4. Listen to these top 10 breakup songs of the year. From Pink to Kanye, these tunes are all about getting back on your feet.
5. Learn boxing. Boxinggyms.com lists location around the country. Get angry—then get ripped.
6. Give your home a makeover. Following feng shui principles can help you clear out the emotional and physical clutter from your previously shared space.
7. Get even without getting a restraining order: practice your frustrations on a voodoo doll instead.
8. Write. Whether on a blog, in a journal or in a letter you may decide never to send, getting the words from brain to paper or screen can improve your mental and physical health.
9. Volunteer for a cause you feel passionate about or to help those whose plight might give you a new perspective on your own. VolunteerMatch can help you find the right place and the right time.
10. Fall in love with a new scent. Learn to associate the smell of a new perfume, candle, flower or detergent—even—with your new, improved and single self. Take a sniff everytime the breakup blues arise.
Of course, sometimes a glass (ok, or a botttle) of wine, meeting someone new or buying a hot new dress is the just what the doctor ordered. Ultimately, do what feels right to you.
from yahoo news......
I hated numbers as a student. I sometimes fell asleep in classes that dealt with numbers, well, okey I always sleep and skip my mathematics class. I am confused with the long solutions they present in every mathematical problem. I don't know why the solution have to be very long and confusing. And i don't have any interest in them.
I love stories and poems so i took Literature as a major, and i did well. Unfortunately fate played its trick and i was suddenly enveloped in a job that does not only include numbers but live with numbers.
I detest the job and plan on quitting, but then an angel just made me love numbers, made me understand and use them in my daily life. Well sometimes if you're in love, There's nothing you can do for the one that you love, and wella! Here I am numbers all around me, long solutions for a very simple mathematical problem and a mathematical problem that sometimes trick and treat you!
I learned to love the job and i really cared and love it and was rewarded! Unfortunately the angel who taught me love what i am doing took its flight and never came back in my arms.
I still remember her sometimes but the fellings no longer hurts. I remember the girl but i dont remember the feelings anymore hehe.
I am just very thankful she helped me love numbers.
I dont know why i am writting this maybe just to show my gratitude for her efforts and her efforts was not put to waste.
I was slumped for a long time for her lost but now i am ready to face her and say thank you without any hurt feelings in my heart.
I had been very busy for the last few days. Meetings, reports and deadlines seemed to have all dumped in my table and my life was just in complete chaos.
Wheew! what a week, I really have to remember this month and i hope it will never happen again.
Now at least the rush finally subsided and i hope the tranquil life i had before will now once more handed to me hehehe.
I really want to forget how many aspirin i took just to ease the pain of headache and to finally rest my eyes that only had an hour or so to rest for the past week and to finally rest my mind from the worries of the accounting world.
Numbers, debit, and credit is starting to haunt me and follow me even in my dreams.... And more formulas, and variances are trying to ruin my life.
But then they're just part of my job, I choose and love this job so i have to enjoy all the nightmares and headaches that goes with it hehe.
Wish me luck, I need it ....
And hopefully to have more time with my blog, seemed like my blog is becoming more like a xerox machine haha..
ADULT:A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR:A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL:Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS:The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE:A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF:Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO:An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN:Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET:Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON:A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.
TOOTHACHE:The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN:An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES:Something other people have, similar to my character lines
Sexuality basically means where your sexual attractions lie. Who and what you are attracted to. It also defines what turns you off sexually. It is usually something that you do not choose, however you can definitely experiment with things along the way to test what you like and what you do not. You never know until you go.
Gender: all the ways people are (how they talk, speak, act, dress, behave, style themselves, etc.) that we relate to men, women, femininity, or masculinity; people can identify as male, female, neither gender, both gender, trans gender, etc., etc.- it's how they feel inside.
Sex: one's biological and physiological sex, as determined by their chromosomes, hormones, genitals, secondary sex characteristics like body hair, voice, fat distribution, etc..
Sexual orientation: the cumulative object(s) of one's sexual attractions.
Sexual behavior: all the sexual things one does; does NOT have to be in sync or in line with sexual orientation.
Kinsey Scale: scale that measures human sexual orientation from 0 (exclusively heterosexual) to 6 (exclusively homosexual) with gradations in between, based on one's sexual behavior and fantasies, up to that time.
Klein Sexual Orientation Grid: scale that measures human sexual orientation like the Kinsey Scale, but takes into account the past, present, ideal (future), sexual attraction, behavior, sexual fantasies, emotional preference, social preference, and the idea that people's sexuality can change.
Polyamory: the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
Monogamy: custom or condition of having only one mate.
Heterosexual: sexually attracted to the opposite sex.
Homosexual: sexually attracted to the same sex.
Bisexual: sexually attracted to both men and women.
Pansexual: sexually attracted to men, women, and transgender and transsexual people.
Omnisexual: often used interchangeably with 'pansexual'; potential sexual attraction to any and all things, sexuality that responds to ideas, concepts, objects, etc., etc..
Pomosexual: the "erotic reality beyond the boundaries of gender, separatism, and essentialist notions of sexual orientation." (pomosexuals do not identify with any essentially-defined sexual label, and it is used in reference to oneself as a protest against such labels.)
Asexual: no sexual attraction to anything (romantic attraction is possible, and though it often isn't, sexual desire may be present, but is directed at nothing; only tactile stimulation results in arousal, nothing mental).
Auto sexual: sexual attraction to oneself, one's own body.
Transsexual: dis concordant gender identity; feeling that one was born in the wrong body. May or may not be rectified with hormones and surgery.
Transgender(ed): having a non-binary gender identity; feeling not like a man or a woman in the way they are typically defined in our society; considering oneself neither genders, both, or a "third gender". They do not change their bodies with hormones or surgery.
Cisgender(ed): a non-trans individual; men who were physiologically male at birth, raised as boys, and who identify as men, and women who were physiologically female at birth, raised as girls, and who identify as women.
Transvestite: dresses in the clothing typically belonging to the opposite sex; may do so in private or public, for sexual arousal or not, from only certain articles of clothing, to full presentation of the opposite sex; they don't want to be the opposite sex full-time, however.
Cross-dresser: another term for 'transvestite', more commonly used and more recent and less medical.
Drag Queen/King: performers who act out exaggerations of gender stereotypes to the opposite sex; drag kings are women who perform exaggerated male characters; drag queens are men who do exaggerated female characters.
Bio Queen/King: performers who act out exaggerations of gender stereotypes to their own sex: bio kings are men who perform exaggerated male characters; bio queens are women do exaggerated female characters.
Hermaphrodite: antiquated term for those born with both sets of genitals or an ambiguous biological sex (obsolete, not used anymore).
Inter sex(ed): correct, modern term for those born with an inter sex condition (there are many possibilities: non-standard chromosomal compositions like XXXY, hormone deficiencies/intolerances, ambiguous genitals, etc., etc..).
Now where do you belong?
