Thursday, November 13, 2008

my cautious heart...

The emptiness in my heart is growing faster and heavier. I don't know how to stop it and i don't know if it will end.

I think i tried all things to make it stop and live again, unfortunately the emptiness is slowly drowning me.

The past few months was great. I learned to go out and had some party. I even smiled and laughed my heart out, but then it stopped living again.

I remember my heart beating fast for the first time in so many years. The excitement and thrill was tremendous that i thought it will stay that way, but then here i am alone and feeling miserable again.

I am feeling lost and empty. I feel as if there's no more hope...

For the past weeks i tried partying again, but the music, the wine and the company do not offer the same excitement, as if the glaze of the melted sugar coating the party was lost and the sugar itself lost its sweet taste.

I tried doing my favorite past time, driving along the country road, but the sight that amazes me no longer make me sigh with relief and fill me with compassion.

As though i just got tired of everything and the climb to the summit is no longer rewarding.

As if my heart is saying "I've seen that!", "I'm tired and I'm bored"...

As if the question "What now?" is hanging in the air around me....

I think i need help...

Friday, November 7, 2008

I...

I thought i had my heart fixed! I thought everything is healed, but why cant i feel my heart beat again?

I had been hurt and lived through it for a very long time, and i thought i am ready to live and love again, but i don't know whats wrong or whats not right. Have i lived alone for so long that my heart was accustomed to being alone?

How many nights i wished i had someone in my arms to hold, to care and to love, but it seems my heart is no longer capable of loving.

I looked and take a second look on everyone but they just don't make a spark that could ignite the fire in my heart.

Am i just rushing things or is this my punishment in imprisoning my heart in long lost love?

I am again in the verge of collapsing, of being lost and in despair...

I thought i had all planed and i know where i am going but then i don't know....

I smiled and laughed and i thought my heart smiled and laughed with me...

I am not getting any younger but i don't want to fail in love again...

Is my heart just cautious?

or my heart is dead?

-----------------------------------

I hope someone will come soon and save it...

Saturday, November 1, 2008

Guy Rules....

1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
b) After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
c) When your date is using her teeth

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes

7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.)

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10 You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

12. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.

14. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

15. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

16. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

17. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
d) Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?

18. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

19. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone, hang up if necessary.

20. When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

LIFE...



Thursday, October 23, 2008

hmmmm...

well, I think i am finally back in the blogger's world, the reports and meetings finally subsided and the new branch of our business is up and running, and i am very ready to accept a more peaceful and relax life. Just me and my computer and an office just me updating my blog haha.

How funny when things happen, everything just pour out, like a heavy rain and you just don't know where to go just not to get wet and feel bad about it.

But sometimes the more you hide and fell sorry about the rain the more you become alone and lonely.

But when you start facing and learning to have fun in the rain that you would be more productive, and more happy about it.

The rain may make us wet and drain in rain water, but water is a source of life.

Next time if rain come pouring again, why don't you try and take a splash? enjoy it and learn to love it, because rain is a part of our life, if we see the rain as an enemy, now i think is the right time to make it an ally.

wow... did i make sense? hehehe

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Just looking back...

I hated numbers as a student. I sometimes fell asleep in classes that dealt with numbers, well, okey I always sleep and skip my mathematics class. I am confused with the long solutions they present in every mathematical problem. I don't know why the solution have to be very long and confusing. And i don't have any interest in them.

I love stories and poems so i took Literature as a major, and i did well. Unfortunately fate played its trick and i was suddenly enveloped in a job that does not only include numbers but live with numbers.

I detest the job and plan on quitting, but then an angel just made me love numbers, made me understand and use them in my daily life. Well sometimes if you're in love, There's nothing you can do for the one that you love, and wella! Here I am numbers all around me, long solutions for a very simple mathematical problem and a mathematical problem that sometimes trick and treat you!

I learned to love the job and i really cared and love it and was rewarded! Unfortunately the angel who taught me love what i am doing took its flight and never came back in my arms.

I still remember her sometimes but the fellings no longer hurts. I remember the girl but i dont remember the feelings anymore hehe.

I am just very thankful she helped me love numbers.

I dont know why i am writting this maybe just to show my gratitude for her efforts and her efforts was not put to waste.

I was slumped for a long time for her lost but now i am ready to face her and say thank you without any hurt feelings in my heart.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

hmmmm....

I had been very busy for the last few days. Meetings, reports and deadlines seemed to have all dumped in my table and my life was just in complete chaos.

Wheew! what a week, I really have to remember this month and i hope it will never happen again.

Now at least the rush finally subsided and i hope the tranquil life i had before will now once more handed to me hehehe.

I really want to forget how many aspirin i took just to ease the pain of headache and to finally rest my eyes that only had an hour or so to rest for the past week and to finally rest my mind from the worries of the accounting world.

Numbers, debit, and credit is starting to haunt me and follow me even in my dreams.... And more formulas, and variances are trying to ruin my life.

But then they're just part of my job, I choose and love this job so i have to enjoy all the nightmares and headaches that goes with it hehe.

Wish me luck, I need it ....

And hopefully to have more time with my blog, seemed like my blog is becoming more like a xerox machine haha..