The emptiness in my heart is growing faster and heavier. I don't know how to stop it and i don't know if it will end.
I think i tried all things to make it stop and live again, unfortunately the emptiness is slowly drowning me.
The past few months was great. I learned to go out and had some party. I even smiled and laughed my heart out, but then it stopped living again.
I remember my heart beating fast for the first time in so many years. The excitement and thrill was tremendous that i thought it will stay that way, but then here i am alone and feeling miserable again.
I am feeling lost and empty. I feel as if there's no more hope...
For the past weeks i tried partying again, but the music, the wine and the company do not offer the same excitement, as if the glaze of the melted sugar coating the party was lost and the sugar itself lost its sweet taste.
I tried doing my favorite past time, driving along the country road, but the sight that amazes me no longer make me sigh with relief and fill me with compassion.
As though i just got tired of everything and the climb to the summit is no longer rewarding.
As if my heart is saying "I've seen that!", "I'm tired and I'm bored"...
As if the question "What now?" is hanging in the air around me....
I think i need help...
4 years ago
6 comments:
Dear Terrence, partying and laughing out perhaps is not the answer. You may be out with a bunch of fun guys and gals but they meant nothing to you, they don't furfill your needs. Most probably you need a good friend to talk to but the trouble is you don't have one and most probably you aren't one yourself; I wouldn't be surprised if you find people not communicating with you; you don't communicate with others well, I think since most probably you may be too quiet, too quiet until boredom sets in and you don't talk much to the people around you and even when you do,most probably they are not quality conversation. Nobody can furfill your needs as much as you want them to and if you are always out looking for that someone, you woudl most probably end up dissapointed. If you can live and just live and be contented with what is at hand, it would be easier but I don;t know,you have to look deep into yourself and see who and what you are. Sometimes, when you don't have someone close to share your live, you might as well dwell on other things; put your mind on your work for example, your hobbies for example and if you happen to meet a girl who likes you, then you are lucky. Many people spend their lifetime looking but they end up with none but still manage to live happily. I can say that because I am happy being alone. It's nice to have a friend or a girl but if they are not worthwhile having, I think it is better to live alone. What's there to worry about a future you can't see. You may have someone now but there is no guarantee that he or she will live with you till the end of time. Either she go first or you go first. Both way, someone will be at the losing end unless they have the right attitude. Cheer up, Terrence and go on blogging!
thanks footiam...
:) kaya mo yan.
Hi Terrence, take it slowly healing is not an instant process, and it is one of the hardest thing to do (moving on) but eventually when that day comes you will Thank God for everything, just believe that in your situation right now comes a surprise from God, just maybe you deserve someone better, basta just always think that in this event in your life it is something that God planned for you, to mold you to be the person He wanted you to be. God 's way is higher than our dreams, He is building a character He wanted you to have.
Tagging you for a meme I had at http://dhammadelights.blogspot.com/2008/12/meme-7-facts-about-me.html. It's just a game where you have to write 7 things about yourself and if possible, get 7 other people to write about themselves.
aww terrence. whenever i read your posts, makes me wanna give you a big huuuug :)
evrythings going to be okay :)
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