I thought i had already accepted the fact that i am living "ALONE", but unfortunately last night as i was preparing the dinner i served for you from my last post, it just surfaced out, i don't know how, but there comes the realization that i am living by myself, with nobody to share my blessings, my happiness and no one to share what i am eating, and its painful!
I thought acceptance is enough, but then after last night i learned accepting the fact is not it unless there is a realization, I don't know what should come first, but either way it hurts a lot, especially if living alone is not really your choice, but the consequence of your actions in the past.
I love and lost and i stood defeated, never thought of fighting back, i kept everything in my heart and hold it there. If only i had the strength and courage, if only i learned to trust, if only i learned to open up earlier, and learned the art of letting go, i shouldn't be living alone, but then it happened and there is no more anyway i can do about it.
Life is short and we should live it by the minute, but unfortunately sometimes things come up unexpectedly and we are lost. Its alright to be lost sometimes, but not be lost a long time and get disoriented, go back to the tract and continue living.
To remember past events and people is natural but we should not live in the shadows of these memories, living with the past could do you any good, there is still a present and a future.
The past is worth remembering, but do not hold on to it. There is still present and that is worth living, but the future is worth waiting.
4 years ago
4 comments:
I'm alone too. And i don't mind sharing your food. No no, those two statements have no relation whatsoever. Just two very separate, very independent, ungay-ish sounding sentences. Wrongly worded and placed maybe but i assure you, i LURVE gals. HAHAHA!
BYE!
p.s. Sorry, no advice for you. I'm in the same sinking boat. Or maybe it's just my weight.
http://usws.isgreat.org
Terence, I think that happen to all of us at one time or another. This feeling of emptiness of being alone. Acceptance is perhaps the first step to salvation.And you say, you need realization which I believe,will enable you to let go and live and let live. I watched a series just last year in TV where the hero said, you may choose to be sad or happy and both is just another day. And i would like to think too that since it is just another day, it will come to pass. The next day will be sad or happy depending on our attitude and how we are going to make out of it. Some people like to live alone, Terence but I think at the moment, you need someone caring to be by your side.Even then You have tried once perhaps to have that someone, and you said you lost but I don't see things that way. You won the pain of rejection; perhaps the lesson will make you better in treating another person and in being a stronger person. Anyway, I always feel that if someone doesn't like me, it's their loss and even if I like to have company, someone to stay with me, I wouldn't want just any company.Some company pulls you down and some lift your spirits. I believe the one you yearn for who give you your broken heart doesn't even lift you a bit. An island can be alone, why not us, human beings with a mind? Anyway, you didn't mention what you did to be alone and if it's meant to be a secret, I can understand. It's not easy to pour out what is inside you to others. When you say, you haven't learn to pour out your heart, I saw more that you don't have anyone to and do not want to too and that is understandable. One doesn't just go around crying on other's shoulder; not that it's wrong but you have to open out and trust someone who is worthwhile opening to and worthwhile to trust and it's really not worth it if that someone is a bigmouth insensitive creature who may laugh back or do some other nasty thing. Anyway, you are only beginning to start living again. Give yourself time and if you still do not find someone to share your life, well, those people are just unfortunate.You can count your blessings and those people who do not get to share it are just too unfortunate. Meanwhile, enjoy your own company. You don't have to go to night spots or places for that. A quiet moment with oneself is enjoyment itself.Pamper yourself for once! Do not think in terms of others coming into your life to light it up. Think in terms of being the one who generates the light!And you are really stronger than you thought you are not.
~ Gosh, I couldnt have said it any better if I were typing it myself. Being alone stinks. And its not because I dont like my own company (I hate when people say that). I just want someone to share my joys with, and be there for me on my stressful days. Who wants to cook for 1 person. It is really sad. As you can see Im going through a broken heart right now. Worse pain I have ever experienced. So I totally sympathize with your thoughts on being alone ~
I can feel your pain kahit na magkaiba tayo ng sitwasyon. Just don't stop loving 'tol eventhough we know for a fact that falling in love is getting hurt. The scariest thing about getting hurt is not being able to love again and the scariest thing about not loving again is being alone forever.
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