beginning...

Life had been very cruel to me, I had been battered with lots of emotional ups and down for as long as i remember. I thought it came to end when i finally met Lulay, unfortunately she was gone.

And here I am, alone, deserted, and feeling neglected again.

I thought i was about to write happy moments to share with you, I thought my blog will be filled with entries full of hope and happiness, but then i spoke to soon, and here i am writing another stuff from my broken heart.

I cannot refrain from crying, my heart just can no longer contain the hurt and loneliness, I just want to cry my heart out, the loss, the pain, and the feeling of loneliness just keep pulling me down to the abyss of darkness, and i am left with this broken dreams, and another broken heart.

Have i been so bad that i am being punished and all those that i love just cannot be with me?

Why have you left me Lulay? why did god take you away from me? He knew i need you, He knew you make me whole again, but why does he keep on punishing me? Have i done great evil that i deserve this?

I wanted to hate GOD, for being so selfish. For taking away everything that i love, but who am i to do that? I am just one of his creation. They say GOD love all that he created but am I an exemption?

OH GOD! Please help me, give me strength to face all the trials you brought upon me. Guide me and please do not release my hand from your grasp, i need you to help me as i journey in this troubled path.

I feel i had been battered to much, i cant take it anymore.

HELP ME, SAVE ME, GUIDE ME, that i will be able to reach another day with the promise of a good sunrise.

refocus..

I've been drowning my self with work lately. I even ask my office mates to show me how things are done that i might be of help to them.

They think i am just being helpful but they don't know i am just trying to help my self.

I want to tire myself, so tired that if i go home, i will no more have time to think and think of lulay. I want and i need to be asleep as soon i reach my pad.

And i think my strategy is working, and i am gaining more and more friends.

I don't know if what i am doing is good and right, but i need to refocus my attention.

I don't want to be in pain again. I need to move on, but as of the moment i need to reinforce my heart by tiring my body and mind, so it will just be numb and feel no more emotions.

I know this will pass. This is what Lulay wants, for me to stand whenever i fall.

Its hard but i have to do it...

I love you Lulay, wherever you are, watch and guide me...

...

Why do heart's always remember and forgot to forget?

I was wondering why my heart seem to remember everything? Even the smallest and simplest detail of a certain event is so vivid that everything looks and feel like it just happened yesterday.

Looks like my heart was never taught how to forget and was only taught to remember.

My Angel..

I just lost an Angel. I want to talk to her and ask why she has to leave, but i don't know how, I have so many questions but i know all these will remain unanswered.






I just hope she is happy wherever she may be... I hope she is waiting for me, ...

I just lost an angel but i know that same angel is watching over me...

Goodbye Lulay, My bestfriend.....

I found someone whom i considered best friend, in times of pain and loneliness she had been my constant company, she may have not feel the pain, but i know she truly understand it, and that's why i loved her so much, a friend, an older sister, and sometimes a mother .

Unfortunately the friendship is short lived, she left me again, and her loss left me more pain and despair.

I don't understand why she have to go, and i don't understand why so soon, have i done something wrong and God is punishing me? Am i too bad that people i love and care have to leave me?

With her assistance, care and love, i felt my heart wounds slowly healing and the pain slowly fading away.

But now with her loss i am again lost, feeling empty and even more forsaken.

She will be cremated tomorrow. I want to accept the fact that she is gone and we will never meet again in this life but my heart just don't want to accept it.

I want to dedicate this note to my best friend "Lulay". Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart and mind. I love you friend, and i miss you so much and i will always miss you.

Her death is too big for me to handle, she was the only friend i got, but this time i am stronger, i know that because that is what she always tells me and that's what she wants me to be. I don't know how to continue life without her guidance and love, but i will find a way, she had been my inspiration and even she left me, her star will always shine for me, FOREVER!

Goodbye and thank you friend, till we meet again...

on remembering..

2008 is now just a memory, weather it be good or bad everything is now just a parcel of our life, a part that completes the cycle of good and bad and a memory that will last forever.

Every year we are given a blank paper, and as the year progresses we write our life through our experiences in it, some will be written in pure black ink and will be remembered forever and others will be forgotten and will just be a blotch of ink in our paper.

2008 is one of the best year in my life. Though occasional thunderstorm came i remained rooted and now that the year has ended, to reminisce and enjoy the lessons we learned is the best way to remember and thank the year that has been.

I was once an ordinary boy who live in the memories of the past. Who think that these memories will always make me happy, but then i realized i was living in the past for too long, and these memories do more damage then help me. The time has come for me to stand and continue my journey and leave the past behind.

The confrontation of the past and the present is still a big battle for me, there are still times when i open my eyes in the middle of the night and wonder where i am.

I know i am still trapped in the middle of a crossroad one leading to the past and the other to the present. I know i have to make a step and decide, but then the big realization to make a step is already a big step for me, and i thank 2008 has finally come to tell me "Hey, you better start another journey or your journey ends here".

To "relive" the memory of the past is not an option but to make another memory that would finally fill in the gap made by lingering and living too long with these memories.

2009 is here to stay, and i hope as i am handed another leaf of paper to write another parcel of my life, i hope the journey will be something i will cherish and remember forever not because i have a "broken heart" but because my heart finally starts to live again.

A journey to remember that would give me inspiration to strive harder and believe that love will find a way to heal a heart broken to pieces.

For Me...

I think this one is written for me....

ice cream, alcohol, meaningless hookups: the go-to antidotes for a bad breakup are often about distraction rather than relief. What's more, they tend to injure more than assuage, as if the breakup itself didn't cause enough pain.

10 healthy ways to deal with getting dumped that don't include booze, food or flings:

1. Buy the Dumped! Fun and Games Activity Book, which offers such whimsical games as “I Cried to Smell Few (I Tried to Tell You).” Help broken-hearted “Sam” decipher what his friends have been telling him about his now ex-girlfriend in lines such as “Why stink clue fan screw fetter.” Translation: “I think you can do better.”

2. Surround yourself with happy people. Recent research from Harvard and the University of California, San Diego shows happiness is “infectious,” so take up with a group of friends or organization that you know is high on life.

3. Log on to justbeendumped.wordpress.com and submit your breakup e-mails or IM conversations. The names are changed, so it's an anonymous way to have complete strangers tell you what a jerk he was. Your friends need a break anyway.

4. Listen to these top 10 breakup songs of the year. From Pink to Kanye, these tunes are all about getting back on your feet.

5. Learn boxing. Boxinggyms.com lists location around the country. Get angry—then get ripped.

6. Give your home a makeover. Following feng shui principles can help you clear out the emotional and physical clutter from your previously shared space.

7. Get even without getting a restraining order: practice your frustrations on a voodoo doll instead.

8. Write. Whether on a blog, in a journal or in a letter you may decide never to send, getting the words from brain to paper or screen can improve your mental and physical health.

9. Volunteer for a cause you feel passionate about or to help those whose plight might give you a new perspective on your own. VolunteerMatch can help you find the right place and the right time.

10. Fall in love with a new scent. Learn to associate the smell of a new perfume, candle, flower or detergent—even—with your new, improved and single self. Take a sniff everytime the breakup blues arise.

Of course, sometimes a glass (ok, or a botttle) of wine, meeting someone new or buying a hot new dress is the just what the doctor ordered. Ultimately, do what feels right to you.

from yahoo news......