Direction...

Another week gone and wasted, and another one about to start, but i am still having a hard time coping up with the headache i had from too much drinking vodka last night.

I usually don't have any hangover after drinking but i remember i had different mix of alcohol last night and that should have cause my head to ache.

But that's alright, i had been asleep all day, but the problem is will i be able to sleep tonight..

I am planning to go out again latter tonight but i really don't have any idea where to go..

I think i need to go somewhere else, A place to think and re asses my life.....

Again...

Bottoms up my Friend...

I'm back into drinking again, and this time there's no such thing as moderation, it's more like drink all you can, drink as fast as you could, the faster you get drunk the faster you sleep.

Don't preach about things alcohol will do to my health, I already know that but i need to forget and the fastest way to forget is to get drunk and sleep soundly as possible.

Yes, I know this is wrong but I am not out of my mind, I have to do this, I need to escape, I need to feel numb, I need to forget.

It is so easy for you to say, "Get a Life", but do you have a guide on how?

I had been lost, and the light that gave me direction simply vanished, do you know how hard and painful that can be?

It would be very easy for you to say "I do", but do you really know? or your just saying that to cheer me up?

My mind is clouded with pain, frustration and anger at the moment, I need time to heal the pain and rearrange my life.

I don't need your criticism, and preaching, I need your guidance and understanding.

Bottoms up my friend...

beginning...

Life had been very cruel to me, I had been battered with lots of emotional ups and down for as long as i remember. I thought it came to end when i finally met Lulay, unfortunately she was gone.

And here I am, alone, deserted, and feeling neglected again.

I thought i was about to write happy moments to share with you, I thought my blog will be filled with entries full of hope and happiness, but then i spoke to soon, and here i am writing another stuff from my broken heart.

I cannot refrain from crying, my heart just can no longer contain the hurt and loneliness, I just want to cry my heart out, the loss, the pain, and the feeling of loneliness just keep pulling me down to the abyss of darkness, and i am left with this broken dreams, and another broken heart.

Have i been so bad that i am being punished and all those that i love just cannot be with me?

Why have you left me Lulay? why did god take you away from me? He knew i need you, He knew you make me whole again, but why does he keep on punishing me? Have i done great evil that i deserve this?

I wanted to hate GOD, for being so selfish. For taking away everything that i love, but who am i to do that? I am just one of his creation. They say GOD love all that he created but am I an exemption?

OH GOD! Please help me, give me strength to face all the trials you brought upon me. Guide me and please do not release my hand from your grasp, i need you to help me as i journey in this troubled path.

I feel i had been battered to much, i cant take it anymore.

HELP ME, SAVE ME, GUIDE ME, that i will be able to reach another day with the promise of a good sunrise.

refocus..

I've been drowning my self with work lately. I even ask my office mates to show me how things are done that i might be of help to them.

They think i am just being helpful but they don't know i am just trying to help my self.

I want to tire myself, so tired that if i go home, i will no more have time to think and think of lulay. I want and i need to be asleep as soon i reach my pad.

And i think my strategy is working, and i am gaining more and more friends.

I don't know if what i am doing is good and right, but i need to refocus my attention.

I don't want to be in pain again. I need to move on, but as of the moment i need to reinforce my heart by tiring my body and mind, so it will just be numb and feel no more emotions.

I know this will pass. This is what Lulay wants, for me to stand whenever i fall.

Its hard but i have to do it...

I love you Lulay, wherever you are, watch and guide me...

...

Why do heart's always remember and forgot to forget?

I was wondering why my heart seem to remember everything? Even the smallest and simplest detail of a certain event is so vivid that everything looks and feel like it just happened yesterday.

Looks like my heart was never taught how to forget and was only taught to remember.

My Angel..

I just lost an Angel. I want to talk to her and ask why she has to leave, but i don't know how, I have so many questions but i know all these will remain unanswered.






I just hope she is happy wherever she may be... I hope she is waiting for me, ...

I just lost an angel but i know that same angel is watching over me...

Goodbye Lulay, My bestfriend.....

I found someone whom i considered best friend, in times of pain and loneliness she had been my constant company, she may have not feel the pain, but i know she truly understand it, and that's why i loved her so much, a friend, an older sister, and sometimes a mother .

Unfortunately the friendship is short lived, she left me again, and her loss left me more pain and despair.

I don't understand why she have to go, and i don't understand why so soon, have i done something wrong and God is punishing me? Am i too bad that people i love and care have to leave me?

With her assistance, care and love, i felt my heart wounds slowly healing and the pain slowly fading away.

But now with her loss i am again lost, feeling empty and even more forsaken.

She will be cremated tomorrow. I want to accept the fact that she is gone and we will never meet again in this life but my heart just don't want to accept it.

I want to dedicate this note to my best friend "Lulay". Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart and mind. I love you friend, and i miss you so much and i will always miss you.

Her death is too big for me to handle, she was the only friend i got, but this time i am stronger, i know that because that is what she always tells me and that's what she wants me to be. I don't know how to continue life without her guidance and love, but i will find a way, she had been my inspiration and even she left me, her star will always shine for me, FOREVER!

Goodbye and thank you friend, till we meet again...