Showing posts with label office. Show all posts
Showing posts with label office. Show all posts

Sunday, September 28, 2008

some rules..

Rules For Men


1. The Female always makes The Rules.

2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. (If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong.)

7. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.)

8. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.

14. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is a wimp.

15. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.

16. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.

17. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void!


and that is amazing hahaha!!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Life Before the Computer


An
application was for employment
A
program was a TV show
A
cursor used profanity
A
keyboard was a piano!

Memory was something that you lost with age
A
CD was a bank account
And if you had a
3 � inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!

Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you
unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!

Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A
mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a
backup happened to your commode!

Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A
web was a spider's home
And a
virus was the flu!

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

An old occupation

What happens when people of different occupations get old.


- Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance.

- Old actors never die, they just drop apart.

- Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.

- Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.

- Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.

- Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.

- Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.

- Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.

- Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.

- Old cashiers never die, they just check out.

- Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.

- Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.

- Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.

- Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.

- Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.

- Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.

- Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.

- Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.

- Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.

- Old garagemen never die, they just retire.

- Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.




Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Caught Sleeping At Your Desk?

Just a few tips when you are caught sleeping in your desk...

Just say any of the following:

1. In Jesus name, Amen.


2. Dang! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.


3. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress.


4. I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance.


5. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm.


6. Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot.


7. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.

8. Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!

helpful? I hope ... hehehe

Career Lessons

simple and worth remembering quotes for you....

  • 1. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
  • 2. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
  • 3. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
  • 4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
  • 5. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
  • 6. Following the rules will not get the job done.
  • 7. Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
  • 8. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
  • 9. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

helpful?.. haha