I came home late yesterday night, finally i gave in to my friends request to go out with them, well i had been living in my shell for too long and i thought its time for me to have a night life, the experience was good and i felt better, and i feel thats not the last time i will be going out with them.
When I came home, i suddenly feel crowded in my room, I am living alone in a not so big apartment unit and was good about it, but now i feel as if the room is crowded and the urge to redecorate and rearrange the place is very intense.
I woke up early today, started to pack and unpack my closet, and to my surprise most of the things stored in there were all memorabilia of the past, I was a bit surprised to see all these things stored in my closet, I thought i had thrown most of them but sad to say here they are reminder of all the things done and past.
Mix feelings, emotions and thoughts started to pour over me, i don't know what to think and how to react, as if the pain of yesterday is once more alive, these memorabilia are like zombies, coming out and i don't know how to face them.
I want to move on, but still the pain is here again, but i have to face them now or never and i have to do it now and start living.
With a heavy heart i started to pack all my memorabilia in a black bag and hope that as i throw them i will be able to live my life, to think and reminisce them but no longer live with them.
Today as i write this entry, my heart is still heavy, but with high hopes that i will be able to
move on, to live life to the fullest and enjoy all the things that life has to offer, may it be good or bad, as Timon and Pumba said "Hakuna Matata" and tomorrow i hope life will already be in my side.
4 years ago
1 comments:
Terence, Glad to hear that you have tried to go out and have a good time. The sad thing is about coming home. I believe in the closets are gifts given by someone you love and could not have. It wouldn't be that bad unless you were betrayed by the one you loved. I am led to believe that you were an item before she chose another and I am led to believe that she led you on, encouraged you. If her husband does not know you hold a torch for her, most probably she did. Maybe, I am wrong but if I am right, then I can just say that's not a very good woman you are in love with.She doesn't deserve your attention and your love. Someone else deserves it more and you yourself deserve better. In life, there is something called attachment, which makes us cling to something especially to something that we love. You are clinging and you are clinging to something that is not worth clinging. Even if the woman is good, she is gone. If she does not go to another man, whe will be gone someday, return to earth. In a case like this, sometimes, it would be better to think as she has return to the earth. And even then, life goes on. You must go on. You must be happy. And this happiness is not that euphoric kind of feeling where you jump up high into the air and announce that you are on top of the world. This happiness is quiet and it comes from an understanding that a phase of your life is over. You just have to go on. To a new phase, a phase where you are alone but aware of what is happening around you. aware that there is something else worthwhile living for - you. Maybe, you should start pampering yourself. Not just by going out to enjoy the night life. Maybe, you should take up a course, learn a skill, improve yourself so that you can earn more and survive better in this cut throat world. Maybe, in the first place, this is why she left you for the other- that you couldn't give her more in terms of material things. And if this is the case, there is the more reason to chuck her away. Let her flow with the river. Throw away those things that hurt! Start living!
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