Aling Tuning and her music

I was still in bed and its already nine in the morning, when i heard a soulful music from the kitchen, a tagalog music full of sorrows and misery brought by love, that tells about the frustrations and hurting of the people involve in a love affair.

I got out of bed in no time and went to the kitchen and there sits a radio, playing all those soulful tagalog music and it says 90.7 love radio.

I was a bit surprised to know that there was a radio station playing old tagalog love songs like that, i was a bit inclined to fast and noisy music, but then the pieces the DJ is playing is soft and i find them soothing to the ear in contrast to the music i usually play.

From the laundry area i heard a voice singing with the tune and there was Aling Tuning my trusted cleaning and laundry lady pouring her out as she sing out the song, she had a good voice though but i just cant refrain myself from smiling.

Aling Tuning is a woman already in her fifties, but she still chooses to work to sustain her family needs, She does my laundry and cleans the apartment every sunday, she had been working for me for almost three years now, but i haven't seen and heard her singing until now.

I called her attention and to my surprise she laugh out loud hysterically and said how embarrassed she is that i caught her in the act, i couldn't refrain and i joined her laughing
saying she have a good voice, she wanted to turn off the radio but i said its okey, and so i had the whole sunday morning with a dose of old love songs from singers of the past.

The music is piercing my heart, as if the music is describing the pain i felt, the music is bringing back the love i had and lost, but then i choose to hear more of it, i choose to free myself from the bond of yesterday and if a simple music makes me feel the pain again then i have to hear these music in order for me to remember not only the pain but also the happiness it brought my life.

Today as i make this post Aling Tuning is no longer singing the tune but humming with the song, maybe a bit embarrassed in my presence but her music is healing my heart, the music is bringing back memories of the past but now i don't just remember the pain, i could also remember the joy and happiness, the inspiration it gave me to achieve something, and for a start these is something new.

Thank you Aling Tuning, your music is slowly healing my heart.

On Vacation

Very funny, for so long now i realize i had been living too long in my shell, and now looking back i don't remember the last time i went out for a real vacation.


Summer is fast approaching and most of my officemates had already made plans for vacation, some plan on going to Baguio for a change of scenery others to Subic and other places i haven't heard of before, and i wonder i really made myself miss all the fun.


Well for so long i worked hard and i think this is the right time for me to take my life at a speed and enjoy, i am making some preparations and i will absolutely be going somewhere for a real nice vacation.

I am still making my choices, but definitely i am going out for a change of scenery and a fresh start.

On opening doors...

I tried to open my door today, it had been a long time since i went out with my friends, except for the other night i went out with them for a taste of the night life i long forgotten, and i enjoyed it.
Today my friends invited me for a lunch out, and to my surprise i did say yes, well maybe to you going out for lunch with friends is just ordinary, for me its not, for so long i closed my doors to everyone, but after yesterday, determined to face life and take chances again, i am starting to open my doors, not too wide to invite everybody but just enough to accommodate one at a time.
My officemates was a little surprised to see me getting out of my shell, they even joke whatever i ate at breakfast i should store lots of it, i couldn't resist smiling for that.
They were all excited that i am finally joining them as a group and they say the good looking but unapproachable guy is finally reaching out, hehehe thats me i guess!
I was nervous, joining the group is another step for me, for my growth and with them i hope the grip of the past would loosen up and allow me to see the brighter side of life.
Most of them said they always wanted to approach me, but because i don't speak a lot they mistook me as "suplado", or unapproachable, I just smiled and say, I'm just the shy type of guy,
they don't know my secret and i don't want them to know.
As we end up the day's work everyone is saying goodbye, hopping to have me around for lunch and coffee breaks and i feel happy about it, and unlike the past days i look forward for tomorrow.
Tonight after cleaning my closet, and letting the fresh air come in to my room, I feel much better, the burden of the past is slowly easing and i thought, life is not miserable after all, start accepting the lesson's of the past and not live in it, and lingering too long to the past is unwise.

Reminiscing but not living in the past!

I came home late yesterday night, finally i gave in to my friends request to go out with them, well i had been living in my shell for too long and i thought its time for me to have a night life, the experience was good and i felt better, and i feel thats not the last time i will be going out with them.
When I came home, i suddenly feel crowded in my room, I am living alone in a not so big apartment unit and was good about it, but now i feel as if the room is crowded and the urge to redecorate and rearrange the place is very intense.
I woke up early today, started to pack and unpack my closet, and to my surprise most of the things stored in there were all memorabilia of the past, I was a bit surprised to see all these things stored in my closet, I thought i had thrown most of them but sad to say here they are reminder of all the things done and past.
Mix feelings, emotions and thoughts started to pour over me, i don't know what to think and how to react, as if the pain of yesterday is once more alive, these memorabilia are like zombies, coming out and i don't know how to face them.
I want to move on, but still the pain is here again, but i have to face them now or never and i have to do it now and start living.
With a heavy heart i started to pack all my memorabilia in a black bag and hope that as i throw them i will be able to live my life, to think and reminisce them but no longer live with them.
Today as i write this entry, my heart is still heavy, but with high hopes that i will be able to
move on, to live life to the fullest and enjoy all the things that life has to offer, may it be good or bad, as Timon and Pumba said "Hakuna Matata" and tomorrow i hope life will already be in my side.

On living...

Life is fair, but in my case life is not too fair, I love but lost, I tried but i failed, I live but i died.
I don't know if i am making any sense but this is what i feel, It seems as if life is not in my side, as if life simply don't want me around and its trying to make me quit by throwing all the bad things it can throw at me.
For so long i tried to hide but i learned my lesson in a painful way, there's no use in hiding, you have to face life and battle it face to face, try you're luck and make a choice, to remain a coward or face it and get the chance to win.
Chances are you will lost a hundred times but there will always be a chance for you to triumph, In my case I lost in this battle but i learned something, keep hiding and these bad things just pile up and might drown you, face it and chances are you can win. The only way to survive is to fight, to take a stand and stop being a coward, face the problem and find a solution, that is the only way to survive.
You are given natural defenses in this war, your friends are your allies, learn to share and trust them, learn to explore the weaknesses of your opponent by learning from the previous experiences of others, though no two things are alike, but you can always learn from them and slowly learn your move.
Your ability to think is your main weapon, use it wisely and try not making any false move, figure out every step, think the prose and cons, weight your options and if things point out positively then its your chance to charge.
Life is fair if you know how to use your defenses, do not expose yourself to the possibility of losing, point out your goal and you can live life to the fullest.

On Going Home...

It has been almost five years since i last went home, and after five years my mom is asking me for a visit, she said she misses me a lot, and i miss her so much too, i was once a mommy's boy and God knows how i miss her!
I terribly miss the way he hug and caress me, her kisses and strokes that never fails to remind and reassure me that i am, and will always be loved.
Unfortunately my brother is also living with her and until now, for the past five years I am still living in the past, I know that is too long to linger in the past but i cant help it, and until now i still think I'm in love with the woman he is married to.
I don't hate my brother because he married the woman of my dreams, but i don't know how will i be able to face them, and in going home i don't want them to know the real reason why i choose to work and live far from them.
My brother didn't know and i don't want him to know. This is my secret and i want it to be a secret forever.
I think I need more time, more time to heal the wound, more time for me to accept the truth, and more time for me to grow up.
Another year perhaps? Now i already started accepting the reality, But i need a little more time to understand this reality, as for my mother, she know i love her for i have been showing her how much i love her, unfortunately for me i let my heart fall on a trap of love that caused me a lot of trouble.
A piece of advice from a broken hearted, "Love is a feeling from the heart but needed the guidance of the mind".

On writing Tagalog!

I had been trying to write in the Filipino language, but unfortunately to my frustration, I am not satisfied with the outcome.
The words are just too vague or sometimes, i just cant find the exact words that fit, this frustrates me a lot because I am a Filipino and I am expected to speak and write the language fluently as possible.
When speaking Tagalog, the words come out and fit in easily, but when writing? oh, these words just keep filling me up and drown me in confusion.
Well I just wanna share that to you, You don't have to react, I just want that off my chest hehehehe!