Goodbye Lulay, My bestfriend.....

I found someone whom i considered best friend, in times of pain and loneliness she had been my constant company, she may have not feel the pain, but i know she truly understand it, and that's why i loved her so much, a friend, an older sister, and sometimes a mother .

Unfortunately the friendship is short lived, she left me again, and her loss left me more pain and despair.

I don't understand why she have to go, and i don't understand why so soon, have i done something wrong and God is punishing me? Am i too bad that people i love and care have to leave me?

With her assistance, care and love, i felt my heart wounds slowly healing and the pain slowly fading away.

But now with her loss i am again lost, feeling empty and even more forsaken.

She will be cremated tomorrow. I want to accept the fact that she is gone and we will never meet again in this life but my heart just don't want to accept it.

I want to dedicate this note to my best friend "Lulay". Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart and mind. I love you friend, and i miss you so much and i will always miss you.

Her death is too big for me to handle, she was the only friend i got, but this time i am stronger, i know that because that is what she always tells me and that's what she wants me to be. I don't know how to continue life without her guidance and love, but i will find a way, she had been my inspiration and even she left me, her star will always shine for me, FOREVER!

Goodbye and thank you friend, till we meet again...

on remembering..

2008 is now just a memory, weather it be good or bad everything is now just a parcel of our life, a part that completes the cycle of good and bad and a memory that will last forever.

Every year we are given a blank paper, and as the year progresses we write our life through our experiences in it, some will be written in pure black ink and will be remembered forever and others will be forgotten and will just be a blotch of ink in our paper.

2008 is one of the best year in my life. Though occasional thunderstorm came i remained rooted and now that the year has ended, to reminisce and enjoy the lessons we learned is the best way to remember and thank the year that has been.

I was once an ordinary boy who live in the memories of the past. Who think that these memories will always make me happy, but then i realized i was living in the past for too long, and these memories do more damage then help me. The time has come for me to stand and continue my journey and leave the past behind.

The confrontation of the past and the present is still a big battle for me, there are still times when i open my eyes in the middle of the night and wonder where i am.

I know i am still trapped in the middle of a crossroad one leading to the past and the other to the present. I know i have to make a step and decide, but then the big realization to make a step is already a big step for me, and i thank 2008 has finally come to tell me "Hey, you better start another journey or your journey ends here".

To "relive" the memory of the past is not an option but to make another memory that would finally fill in the gap made by lingering and living too long with these memories.

2009 is here to stay, and i hope as i am handed another leaf of paper to write another parcel of my life, i hope the journey will be something i will cherish and remember forever not because i have a "broken heart" but because my heart finally starts to live again.

A journey to remember that would give me inspiration to strive harder and believe that love will find a way to heal a heart broken to pieces.

For Me...

I think this one is written for me....

ice cream, alcohol, meaningless hookups: the go-to antidotes for a bad breakup are often about distraction rather than relief. What's more, they tend to injure more than assuage, as if the breakup itself didn't cause enough pain.

10 healthy ways to deal with getting dumped that don't include booze, food or flings:

1. Buy the Dumped! Fun and Games Activity Book, which offers such whimsical games as “I Cried to Smell Few (I Tried to Tell You).” Help broken-hearted “Sam” decipher what his friends have been telling him about his now ex-girlfriend in lines such as “Why stink clue fan screw fetter.” Translation: “I think you can do better.”

2. Surround yourself with happy people. Recent research from Harvard and the University of California, San Diego shows happiness is “infectious,” so take up with a group of friends or organization that you know is high on life.

3. Log on to justbeendumped.wordpress.com and submit your breakup e-mails or IM conversations. The names are changed, so it's an anonymous way to have complete strangers tell you what a jerk he was. Your friends need a break anyway.

4. Listen to these top 10 breakup songs of the year. From Pink to Kanye, these tunes are all about getting back on your feet.

5. Learn boxing. Boxinggyms.com lists location around the country. Get angry—then get ripped.

6. Give your home a makeover. Following feng shui principles can help you clear out the emotional and physical clutter from your previously shared space.

7. Get even without getting a restraining order: practice your frustrations on a voodoo doll instead.

8. Write. Whether on a blog, in a journal or in a letter you may decide never to send, getting the words from brain to paper or screen can improve your mental and physical health.

9. Volunteer for a cause you feel passionate about or to help those whose plight might give you a new perspective on your own. VolunteerMatch can help you find the right place and the right time.

10. Fall in love with a new scent. Learn to associate the smell of a new perfume, candle, flower or detergent—even—with your new, improved and single self. Take a sniff everytime the breakup blues arise.

Of course, sometimes a glass (ok, or a botttle) of wine, meeting someone new or buying a hot new dress is the just what the doctor ordered. Ultimately, do what feels right to you.

from yahoo news......

Defeated?..

I know life is a gift from a supreme being. We are here for a reason and a purpose that we need to find and understand.

We are soldiers sent on a mission but the mission is highly classified. Communication is unclear for only through prayers that we send back to him our reports and improvements. You may sometimes doubt if your reports are heard and lose trust, but responses to your reports are send back to you but only the heart and soul could feel and understand.

But what will you do if the only thing that receives back the responses of your report is broken?

When during the war your heart was broken, you may be able to fix it and put the pieces together but it could no longer function very well.

That's why we have our soul. To accompany the heart and serves as a battery pack.

And that's what I a trying to do...

Though its not easy and still unclear how, but I am beginning to figure it out.

I hope somehow, my heart would soon recharge and make me feel that long lost rhythm of life..

Thank you to all those that helped me stand when my heart could no longer accept the blows of a human emotions...

my cautious heart...

The emptiness in my heart is growing faster and heavier. I don't know how to stop it and i don't know if it will end.

I think i tried all things to make it stop and live again, unfortunately the emptiness is slowly drowning me.

The past few months was great. I learned to go out and had some party. I even smiled and laughed my heart out, but then it stopped living again.

I remember my heart beating fast for the first time in so many years. The excitement and thrill was tremendous that i thought it will stay that way, but then here i am alone and feeling miserable again.

I am feeling lost and empty. I feel as if there's no more hope...

For the past weeks i tried partying again, but the music, the wine and the company do not offer the same excitement, as if the glaze of the melted sugar coating the party was lost and the sugar itself lost its sweet taste.

I tried doing my favorite past time, driving along the country road, but the sight that amazes me no longer make me sigh with relief and fill me with compassion.

As though i just got tired of everything and the climb to the summit is no longer rewarding.

As if my heart is saying "I've seen that!", "I'm tired and I'm bored"...

As if the question "What now?" is hanging in the air around me....

I think i need help...

I...

I thought i had my heart fixed! I thought everything is healed, but why cant i feel my heart beat again?

I had been hurt and lived through it for a very long time, and i thought i am ready to live and love again, but i don't know whats wrong or whats not right. Have i lived alone for so long that my heart was accustomed to being alone?

How many nights i wished i had someone in my arms to hold, to care and to love, but it seems my heart is no longer capable of loving.

I looked and take a second look on everyone but they just don't make a spark that could ignite the fire in my heart.

Am i just rushing things or is this my punishment in imprisoning my heart in long lost love?

I am again in the verge of collapsing, of being lost and in despair...

I thought i had all planed and i know where i am going but then i don't know....

I smiled and laughed and i thought my heart smiled and laughed with me...

I am not getting any younger but i don't want to fail in love again...

Is my heart just cautious?

or my heart is dead?

-----------------------------------

I hope someone will come soon and save it...

Guy Rules....

1. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

3. It is ok for a man to cry under the following circumstances:

a) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse
b) After wrecking your boss' Ferrari
c) When your date is using her teeth

4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.

6. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for a guy who's running late is 5 minutes. Maximum waiting time is 6 minutes

7. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. Gripe at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

8. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.)

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10 You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to quaff a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

12. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem --- you didn't see nothin'.

14. Women who claim the "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

15. You must offer heartfelt and public condolences over the death of a girlfriend's cat, even if it was you who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

16. If you complement a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

17. Phrases that may not be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
d) Nice Ass, are you a Sagittarius?

18. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

19. Never allow a conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone, hang up if necessary.

20. When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.