Friday, January 1, 2010


welcome 2010....

I hope for a better year...

less tears, less heart aches, less memories of a broken heart....

more smiles, more laughter, and more pleasures of the heart....

welcome 2010...

....I hope you wont let me down....

Sunday, June 14, 2009

happy yet empty

life is full of happiness, you don't have to look far and wide, you just have to open your eyes so you may see..

laugh out loud, have party all night, be happy, but is the happiness reaching your heart? or it just simply pass and never touches it?

happiness is not just laughing, partying with girls and having lots of sex but with pleasures of the heart and by the hearts pleasures in order to feel true happiness.

am i making sense?

Monday, May 4, 2009

wish me luck...

well, no more drinking over the top. Footiam said, "Hey, what happen last night seems like fun. If only you don't have too much vodka and know what happened!"

And well, yeah i guess that makes sense...

but i am still clouded with guilt and shame, i am not that kind of guy and i think changing ones view on some things is not easy as it seems.

but i am getting ready to make one more try, and hope i wouldn't be too scared to make a move..

today is Monday and i still have five more days to think it over, hope i wouldn't change my mind.

I plan to go out on Saturday night and stay as late as possible....

whew... this is new and i say a bit harder than i thought.

wish me luck..... i need it!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

for me..

I haven't tasted any alcohol today, I don't know if that's good news or what, but i just cant keep off thinking about what happened last night. Was that some kind of sick joke?

I came home early today trying to ward off that silly incident and remembered i haven't had dinner yet.

I opened my cup board only to find it empty, I really have to go shopping tomorrow or ill end up in another restaurant for my dinner.

I found a few stuff though, they have been in my fridge for a while but i think they are still edible but i just cant think how to make them into a real decent meal.

Its been a while since i cooked my own food and i think its about time i fix one for myself.

Hot dogs, carrots, lettuce, french fries, and a few slices of squid and a few ripe tomatoes. I was lucky to find mayonnaise and decided to toss a salad, i am not good in cooking but i hope it will be enough to satisfy my hunger.

a few dash of salt, pepper, some herbs, mints and other spices and a few minutes later, dinner is served.

It was not very appetizing but it sure does satisfied my hunger, the carrots was tender and crispy and it sure went well with the tomatoes, lettuce and the fries and hot dogs was wonderful.

I only hope i could sleep tonight and not go out again to drink just to sleep.

Monday, April 20, 2009

One night only..

I don't know what happened last night, I was too drunk to remember, or i guess i choose not to remember .

I was on the bar with my vodka when a young and beautiful lady approached me and is obviously in flirting mode and what was i thinking? I woke up and she was there beside me in my pad, in my bed, and totally naked.

Its monday morning and i have work so i insisted she has to go. This is absolutely some kind of madness, lots of girls have been flirting with me but i choose to ignore them but this time i kind of gave in to her temptation.

And to think, i don't remember her name, or number..

Oh geez, is this what they call a one night stand?

Was i that too naive?

Sunday, April 19, 2009


Another week gone and wasted, and another one about to start, but i am still having a hard time coping up with the headache i had from too much drinking vodka last night.

I usually don't have any hangover after drinking but i remember i had different mix of alcohol last night and that should have cause my head to ache.

But that's alright, i had been asleep all day, but the problem is will i be able to sleep tonight..

I am planning to go out again latter tonight but i really don't have any idea where to go..

I think i need to go somewhere else, A place to think and re asses my life.....


Thursday, April 16, 2009

Bottoms up my Friend...

I'm back into drinking again, and this time there's no such thing as moderation, it's more like drink all you can, drink as fast as you could, the faster you get drunk the faster you sleep.

Don't preach about things alcohol will do to my health, I already know that but i need to forget and the fastest way to forget is to get drunk and sleep soundly as possible.

Yes, I know this is wrong but I am not out of my mind, I have to do this, I need to escape, I need to feel numb, I need to forget.

It is so easy for you to say, "Get a Life", but do you have a guide on how?

I had been lost, and the light that gave me direction simply vanished, do you know how hard and painful that can be?

It would be very easy for you to say "I do", but do you really know? or your just saying that to cheer me up?

My mind is clouded with pain, frustration and anger at the moment, I need time to heal the pain and rearrange my life.

I don't need your criticism, and preaching, I need your guidance and understanding.

Bottoms up my friend...